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The Blue & Orange Kool-Aid Report: Special Urlacher Contract Edition
By Eric Emery
After painstaking work, the crack Beachwood legal and document retrieval team has acquired the lesser known details of Brian Urlacher's new contract. Do you think its easy being an NFL star? Imagine having to live up to these stipulations. Gladly, Urlacher has handled himself with the highest level of class, so I believe none of these will pose much of a problem. Here are the highlights:
* Be on-call 24/7 to serve as Lance Briggs' designated driver.
* Once released, Urlacher retains all promotional and figure-action rights to the Paris Hilton sex tape. Also known as the George Lucas Rule.
* Required to give full answers to all reporters' questions, unless one of these phrases appears in the question: "arthritic back", "offensive futility", "missing Cedric Benson", "poor receivers", "quarterback controversy", "once proud Bears defense", "what are you getting all your kids (and I do mean all) for Christmas", and "have you thought about a condom?".
Continue reading "The Blue & Orange Kool-Aid Report: Special Urlacher Contract Edition" »Posted on July 23, 2008
The Cub FactorBy Marty GanglerAssessing the rivals: One team is named after a bird; the other after the people who make your beer.Continue reading "The Cub Factor" » Posted on July 21, 2008 |
The White Sox ReportBy Ricky O'DonnellExpect more the same from Mariotti, Ozzie and Konerko.Continue reading "The White Sox Report" » Posted on July 21, 2008 |
The Dusty & Ozzie Show 2008!By The Beachwood Fire Joe Morgan Affairs DeskOne is a bullshit artist, the other just spews bullshit.Continue reading "The Dusty & Ozzie Show 2008!" » Posted on July 22, 2008 |
Minor League Report 2007By Eric EmeryGary SouthShore RailCats voted "Best Local Spectator Sport" by Northwest Indiana Business Quarterly for fourth consecutive year. In a distant second place: "Watching people lose their mortgage payment at local casino."Continue reading "Minor League Report 2007" » Posted on September 19, 2007 |
SportsMonday
By Jim Coffman
Kyle Orton is the answer.Posted on July 21, 2008
The White Sox Report
By Ricky O'Donnell
Expect more the same from Mariotti, Ozzie and Konerko.Posted on July 21, 2008
The Cub Factor
By Marty Gangler
Assessing the rivals: One team is named after a bird; the other after the people who make your beer.Posted on July 21, 2008
The Leadoff Man
By Steve Rhodes
Who bats first matters.Posted on July 17, 2008
SportsTuesday
By Jim Coffman
Solutions for what almost ails the Cubs and White Sox.Posted on July 15, 2008
The White Sox Report
By Ricky O'Donnell
Blow-up dolls and missile trackers. A first-half review.Posted on July 14, 2008
The Cub Factor
By Marty Gangler
Will Rich Harden turn out to be Charles Emerson Winchester or that Swedish nurse?Posted on July 14, 2008
SportsMonday
By Jim Coffman
Cubs prospects must be chopped liver.Posted on July 07, 2008
The White Sox Report
By Ricky O'Donnell
Tracking the Missile Tracker.Posted on July 07, 2008
The Cub Factor
By Marty Gangler
The Cubs are shaken, not stirred.Posted on July 07, 2008
The White Sox Report
By Ricky O'Donnell
It turns out God likes the Sox too.Posted on July 01, 2008
SportsMonday
By Jim Coffman
What we learned from the Crosstown Classic.Posted on June 30, 2008
The Cub Factor
By Marty Gangler
The Cubs as the cast of Happy Days.Posted on June 30, 2008
The Return of the Crosstown Classic Crucible!
A Beachwood Preview
Every dog will have Ozzie's day.Posted on June 27, 2008
ESPN Drops The Euro Ball
By Andrew Kingsford
One ingenious suggestion was to turn the camera from the faces of the fans onto the screen which they were watching!Posted on June 26, 2008
We Can't Wait 100 Years
By Rick Kaempfer and Tom Latourette
We can't wait even one year more.Posted on June 24, 2008
SportsMonday
By Jim Coffman
Cubs character and Bulls baloney.Posted on June 23, 2008
The White Sox Report
By Ricky O'Donnell
Jay Mariotti provides the highlight of the series.Posted on June 23, 2008
The Cub Factor
By Marty Gangler
What did we learn about the Cubs this weekend? Nothing.Posted on June 23, 2008
Let's Call The Crosstown Off
By Tom Latourette
The Cubs have Fookodome, Ozzie says Fookoyou.Posted on June 20, 2008
The Crosstown Classic Crucible
A Beachwood Preview
Finally determining whose fans are hotter.Posted on June 18, 2008
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