Chicago - A message from the station manager

Agony & Ivy is published by The Beachwood Media Company with the express purpose of providing clear-eyed reporting, analysis and commentary that venerates the truth and exposes the phonies and greedheads who have ruined a poignant and precious cultural phenomenon that was always about the fans and never about the players, management, the media, the North Side or the yuppie gentrifiers who spoil everything they touch. Reclaim the Cubs!
Currently under remodeling.

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Posted on June 15, 2022

TrackNotes: Back To The Future

By Thomas Chambers

We have the first big race of the year. After which, the top horse on the planet will retire.
Will Bob Baffert ever go away? Churchill Downs Inc.: It’s just what they do. Dickie D. dead. Cliches can shape your biorhythms. Double-teaming justice. You look just like. We asked one person, me.

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Posted on January 28, 2022

The World’s Greatest College Football Report Pt. 5: Lunch Pails, Cheez-Its, Webfoots & Our New COVID Toteboard!

By Mike Luce

New Era Pinstripe Bowl
Maryland Terrapins (6-6) vs. Virginia Tech Hokies (6-6)
December 29, 1:15 p.m.
Yankee Stadium
Bronx, New York

The game has potential but the Pinstripe Bowl never delivers much of note. Since its inception in 2010, the Pinstripe Bowl has been affiliated with a number of conferences but now has a simpler tie-in: two mediocre teams from the Atlantic Coast Conference and the Big Ten.
Some intrigue does kick in when the Big Ten team is a powerhouse down on its luck. Recent Big Ten conference reps have included Iowa, Wisconsin and Michigan State, names we associate with New Year’s Day, not the Wednesday after Christmas. (The ACC has sent the likes of Duke, Miami, Boston College, and Wake Forest. Not exactly a murderer’s row.)

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Posted on December 29, 2021

The World’s Greatest College Football Report Bowl Series 2021 Pt. 4: Hell’s Half Acre

By Mike Luce

Lockheed Martin Armed Forces Bowl
Missouri Tigers (6-6) vs. Army Black Knights (8-4)
December 22, 7 p.m.
Fort Worth, Texas

Contractual arrangements for The Armed Forces Bowl nearly guarantee at least one service academy makes an appearance in Fort Worth. Contractual tie-ins with the American Athletic Conference (Navy), the Mountain West Conference (Air Force) and Army (independent) open a slot for at least one of those schools unless each falls short of bowl eligibility. The bowl uses the Amon G. Carter Stadium, home field of TCU and fondly referred to by Horned Frogs fans as “Hell’s Half Acre.” The nickname speaks to TCU’s home-field advantage. It’s a thing. There are tapestries.

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Posted on December 22, 2021

The World’s Greatest College Football Report Bowl Series 2021 Pt 3: Victory Fries & Mushy Bananas

By Mike Luce

Here is a look back at Tuesday’s action. Next up: some orb pondering for a few upcoming bowls on the remaining slate of 44 games. Forty-four games. To watch all 44 bowl games you would need to put in about three weeks’ worth of work. Not as in the bowls will span three weeks, but as in it will take 17 days of watching nine hours per day to watch every hour of every bowl game.
(As it happens, we modeled the Watching Two Hogsheads Of College Football requirement in the College Football Report syllabus around the bowl season. How people treat a syllabus should be a defining characteristic. Is it buried in early strata at the bottom of a backpack? Coffee stained? Folded neatly, placed into a coursebook and never seen again? Hole-punched and laminated? As for the College Football Report syllabus, it is posted online. The URL is broken but that is fine because nobody reads those things now anyway.)
The Famous Idaho Potato Bowl
Kent State Golden Flashes (7-6) vs Wyoming (6-6) Cowboys
December 21
Boise, ID
Final: Wyoming 52, Kent State 38
ATS: Wyoming -3, O/U: Over (60.5)

This year’s edition of the Potato Bowl featured two teams with underwhelming records but intriguing pedigrees. Kent State took its lumps but went home with the cash: before conference play began, the Flashes went on the road three of four weeks to visit #6 Texas A&M, #5 Iowa, and Maryland. Forged from the fires of College Station, Iowa City, and College Park, and flush with $5.25 million in payouts, Kent State went on a tear: the Flashes won six of eight in the remainder.

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Posted on December 22, 2021

The World’s Greatest College Football Report, Bowl Series Pt. 2: Stomping James Carville

By Mike Luce

RoofClaim.com Boca Raton Bowl
Western Kentucky Hilltoppers (8-5) vs. Appalachian State Mountaineers (10-3)
December 18, 10 a.m.
Boca Raton, FL

RoofClaim.com is among the more boring sponsors this year. (“We Handle Your Roof Replacement From Start To Finish And We Will Do A Great Job Scamming Your Insurance Company!”) But give the organizers credit for an awesome website. There are pictures of Appalachian State players frolicking in the surf! There is a menu! (Complete with recipes.)
A beatdown by FAU on the Akron Zips in the 2017 Cheribundi Tart Cherry edition of the Boca Raton Bowl earned the Owls a signature appetizer: the “FAU Signature Talon Sliders.” The Talon Sliders recipe does double-duty because you also get instructions for making Crispy Onions and Tomato Jam. Mmm, tomato jam.

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Posted on December 18, 2021

The World’s Greatest College Football Report, Special Edition: Rockets & Roosters

By Mike Luce

The College Football Report returns for this very special edition, which we hope is just the first in a good old-fashioned bowl series.
Bahamas Bowl
Middle Tennessee Blue Raiders (6-6) vs. Toledo Rockets (7-5)
December 17, 11 a.m.
Nassau, Bahamas

Sponsor: SERVPRO, “The #1 Choice in Cleanup and Restoration”
(Yes, the underline is correct. Why? We have no idea but the organizers better get that right on the bowl merch*.)
The question isn’t “Why is there a bowl game in the Bahamas?” but rather “How will two teams from the Middle of Nowhere get to the Bahamas?”

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Posted on December 16, 2021

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