By Scott Buckner
I had a few things on my plate just before lunchtime Friday morning, but I ended up putting them aside when – like I was able to put them aside early Monday morning – I was drawn to Illinois Attorney General Lisa Madigan’s expansive news conference surrounding her decision to ask the state’s supreme court to keep Gov. Rod Blagojevich from doing state business out of the back seat of his SUV until his lawyers prove beyond a reasonable doubt that Mr. Sunshine didn’t wake up all pissy one morning and decide to fuck a children’s hospital out of $8 million.
I have no doubt the governor needs to have his loose screws tightened if he thinks he can run a state when his phone has become as useful as a banana in his ear. At this point, I don’t care whether Lisa Madigan or Lt. Gov. Pat Quinn might be capitalizing on Mr. Sunshine’s misfortune to further their own public service careers. Given the governor’s conduct and job performance even before this pay-to-play business arose, there are less reliable coat racks than those two to hang our hats on.
Sure, I was drawn to Lisa Madigan’s news conference because it was the newest chapter in the biggest crash-and-burn show this state has ever seen. As much as I think she’s doing a good job of attorney generalin’, I found myself being annoyed by the same question that’s been annoying me for years: Why does every woman in the upper reaches of Illinois government insist on showing up on TV looking like hell? Lisa Madigan might not look like a man or anything, but I’d feel better if I wasn’t always waiting for her to begin an important news conference by yanking her hands out of her armpits, shoving them under her nose and inhaling deeply before yelling out “SUPERstar!!!!!!!” She has the trendy glasses working for her since few women beyond Lisa Loeb can pull off the sexy-librarian look, but when you’re calling TV news conferences with some regularity, how hard is it to drive down to the mall for a style at The Hair Cuttery and a makeover at the Clinique counter?
By the same token, I imagine most women like their lieutenant governors looking not so crumpled-looking when becoming the state’s CEO looms large, so Pat Quinn might want to amble over to the nearest Men’s Wearhouse. We’ll like the way he’ll look. They guarantee it.
Still, I’m so superficial to forget that the best thing about Lisa Madigan is her brains, not her makeup. That’s why I could only imagine how centerfold-hot she might if she managed to investigate Illinois Senate President Emil Jones into submission.
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See what else we’ve been watching! Submissions welcome.
Posted on December 15, 2008