By Pat Bataillon
Last night the stupid box helped me laugh. There was a movie called Supersize Me a few years back and I haven’t eaten fast food since. Now that guy has his own show on FX called 30 Days, and last night he convinced me to start a yoga class and meditate.
Listen: This man in his 30s with orange hair and glasses was a stereotypical beer-swilling dude living in Delaware. Bars and burgers ran his life. This lifestyle took him to short temper town and his girlfriend, Misty, was not all that pleased visiting him there. She was angry and he was angry, so the only next logical step in this relationship was to take to the airwaves. The producers of 30 Days bit, and signed him up some New Age hocus-pocus to heal him and, in the process, his relationship with Misty.
An unimpressed Misty mocked her orange-haired companion as he returned from his appointments at a random incense-laced apartment. I imagine that most girlfriends would rather have their beau smell of incense and green tea instead of cheap perfume and cigarettes from the local strip joint, but Misty was pissy. She wanted her orange-headed lover out of the program, so they did what any normal couple would do on television these days: They screamed at each other.
To quickly clarify, this show really did not tickle the interest receptors in my brain all that much and it led me to forget his name so I will call him Troy for the rest of this column. Troy was not about to leave his new life of Buddhist statues and oriental teas because he was a happier soul.
Eventually, Misty went with Troy to meet his new life coach, Brenda or Barbara, I can’t really recall
(calling here B from here on out). B offered tea and conversation to Misty and Troy. Pleasantries were exchanged and suddenly Misty was all about B. Amazing what communication will do!
After a commercial break, Troy, Misty and B went to dinner at another Taoist or Shinto restaurant and a challenge was presented. B invited them to walk on coals barefoot! They went the next night and chanted Native American prayers into the sky and then walked over red coals. They were liberated. How amazing.
Their relationship is much better now and all it took was some time to be foolish with each other. Troy
celebrated his newfound self by smashing ice cubes at a barbeque. In those ice cubes were little pieces of paper with his negative thoughts written on them. I suppose that freezing negative thoughts and then
smashing them in front of your friends at a barbeque is a good way to heal yourself.
I guess what I learned from this show was that if there is a problem in your relationship, do something silly like taking your significant other to see your life coach. Chant some Native American songs, and drink tea.
If none of that works maybe you should pitch your troubles to the good people in the reality show business. They’ll exploit you, but they may also solve your problems.
Posted on August 17, 2006