By Steve Rhodes
Watching Live Earth on regular ol’ broadcast TV was an incredibly frustrating experience. Sure, the live Internet feeds worked great, but I still wanted to watch it on a bigger screen – television is still at times a superior visual platform, though an enterprising movie theater would’ve found a way to take the Internet streams and put it ’em up on the big screen.
I flipped between three stations with varying Live Earth coverage late Saturday afternoon and Saturday night – NBC, CNBC, and Bravo. Here’s what I saw.
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1. Is Al Gore the coolest guy on the planet?
2. Weird to open with a cover of Gimme Shelter – what, the Stones were busy? – by Keith Urban and Alicia Keys. As American Idol’s Randy Jackson would say, she was kind of “pitchy,” and her piano was totally drowned out. More to the point, her repeating “Rape, murder/it’s just a shot away” doesn’t quite set the optimum tone.
3. I’m actually enjoying Kelly Clarkson! She’s angry and passionate and not crappy like Alanis Morrisette, actually punkish.
4. Madonna sucks.
5. Al Gore was elected president. Why hasn’t the Electoral College been abolished yet?
6. I love how Kelly Clarkson told her record company that she was sorry her life inconvenienced them.
7. She’s kicking butt! Who knew?
8. Oh God does Dave Matthews suck.
9. Oh please, someone make John Mayer go away.
10. Wow, what a performance by Clarkson. Sure there’s some Avril Lavigne in there, but I think Clarkson, ironically enough, is authentic.
11. The Chili Peppers: a good band, but I’ve never been into them.
12. The lineup is actually not that great. Where’s Dylan? Springsteen? Dre? Radiohead?
13. Oh Melissa Etheridge stinks so bad.
14. Al Gore again! Sing, Al!
15. Kanye West is not translating to the large venue. He’s yelling.
16. Gore should announce he’s running.
17. I don’t like the Foo Fighters.
18. Frickin’ Cobain. He should be here.
19. Now Kanye is sounding pretty good. Vastly superior to Etheridge and Mayer.
20. They should ditch the hosts. They serve no purpose whatsoever, and only get in the way of the music.
21. The Beastie Boys in London playing “Sabotage.” I like their green suits. Vocals are a little ragged; trying to shout to the last row at Wembley.
22. Is that Fergie? I’d only sorta know . . . wait, hips don’t lie; that’s Shakira . . . but I love Shakira . . . she’s straightened her hair. She’s in Hamburg. Hips might not like, but hair does.
23. Oh, Cameron Diaz in short shorts . . . okay, stop talking, Cameron . . .
24. I kind of hate Bon Jovi . . .
25. Are these the Black Eyed Peas? Is that Fergie? Yes. They sound . . . gooooood! I love this song.
26. God it’s good to be young . . . and a rocker. Some people don’t have access to this magic. The magic of music. Of rock ‘n’ roll. They are inevitably the enemy.
Us and them, either it’s a rock and roll world or not. There is a fifth column, sure, but we must fight them as well.
27. Alicia Keys . . . she’s gonna do Marvin Gaye. All I can think about when I see her now is Dylan; that should have been the pairing . . . “Mercy Mercy Me.” God he was good.
Now the performances are getting much better. Great song choice. Perfect.
28. Bon Jovi’s seen a million faces, and he’s rocked them all. So he claims.
29. Hey, it’s the Antarctica guys! Cool . . . these guys are the best so far . . . Nunatak. This looks like an old-fashioned video from back in the day . . . this is so cool . . . this is rock and roll.
30. Alicia Keys again. She’s overrated.
31. Genesis: Land of Confusion. Appreciate the sentiment, but man this sucks.
32. Alicia Keys looks good in sweat, though. This is pretty good, maybe it’s her own. She kind of sweats perfectly.
33. UB40 doing “Red Red Wine.” Is this Live Aid? Is Madonna next with “Holiday”?
Maybe someone should put together a Live Aid reunion tour.
34. Crowded House, everyone singing “Don’t Dream It’s Over” . . . wow. What a moment. How powerful is that?
35. Wolfmother is kicking some ass. That guy’s hair rules.
36. Billy Corgan, pretending he’s in a band, found another woman to stand next to him with a bass.
37. Now Corgan is playing the national anthem. Please. Who the hell do you think you are?
38. And now he’s promoting his new album. How wholly inappropriate. And he makes a crack that folks shouldn’t illegally download it. God he sucks.
Worrying about illegal downloads is like worrying about taping. Get over it, folks. Expanding your fan base serves a larger purpose, and a lot of those folks wouldn’t otherwise pay for the work anyway. It’s the record companies who are the enemy, not the fans.
39. Is this Live Aid?
40. Will Ann Curry and Carson Daly go away now? I’ll pay someone to make it happen.
41. Kurt Loder is a wanker. (I’d link to his ridiculous Live Earth comments here if I could find them). Big-time. MTV: not so much televising the revolution as smothering it.
42. Joss Stone is in Johannesburg. Oh, so that’s who that was. Not bad.
43. Alicia Keys is telling the story about “some skeptic dude” who questioned whether events like this really help. “I hated that guy,” she says.
44. Hey, it’s Metallica! No . . . way! Way ! . . . It’s Metallica! Wow! Who knew?
Hetfield looks like he’s having a blast!
Exit light!
Lars is out of his mind!
Where’s that therapist dude?
Kirk Hammet. Play it dude.
My guess is this is Germany.
No, looks like Wembley.
How does it feel to be alive? Individuals can’t do much. This is empowering. Not perfect, but no way you can be against it. Unless you are against he heart of rock and roll, as awful as some of the bands are.
45. Oh God, Genesis again. Invisible Touch . . . did they produce the worst hits of the 80s? They’re a contender for it. Just total wastes of content-free crap.
46. If the promoters don’t package a best-of for sale, they’re idiots.
47. Roger Waters! One of the greatest artists of our time.
48. Bravo bleeped “bullshit” in “Money.” Unbelievable.
49. Oh, hey, the Pixies are on Austin City Limits.
50. Hey, Waters has the hammers going!
As per, he’s putting on the best show and visuals . . . the moon . . . Us and Them . . . he seems moved by his own music – in a good way . . . Brain Damage . . . why not put Bush in the Fletcher Home? . . . the paper holds their folded faces to the floor/and every day the paper boy brings more . . . a brain! Prozac! Tipper! Maybe she bleeped bullshit.
51. Wow. The kids are gonna sing. Stand still, laddy . . .The pig! SOS! What a moment! . . . Save Our Sausages . . . it’s just miles beyond anyone else . . . and every time he sings “thought control” the camera shows the Toyota ad board . . .
52. That guy is playing Gilmour note-for-note. It’s not right. Gilmour oughta be there.
53. Al Gore should skip the presidency and just become Chancellor of the Federation.
54. The Police doing “Message in a Bottle.” Nice choice . . . did Kanye just endorse Gore?
55. Macy Gray.
56. Duran Duran. Is this Live Aid?
Girls on Film. Two minutes later.
57. Roxanne. Yawn. This song should never see the light of day again.
58. Copeland is fun to watch, though. Like Glenn Kotche of Wilco.
59. Roxanne is a total buzzkill. It’s sapping our strength.
60. Can’t Stand Losing You is losing me. Languid.
61. I wish I saw Cat Stevens. Maybe you have to be on Comcast 3 to get him.
62. Al Gore appeared as a hologram in some cities. Hey, he’s in my kitchen right now, changing my light bulbs!
He’s on the board of Apple, too.
63. Pretty amazing.
Artists: 150.
Cities: 9.
Continents: 7.
They should have had Waters do this to close the whole thing.
Saturday night all those kids in the sun . . .
Posted on July 9, 2007