What It Is: Virus- and spyware-protection software for your PC, with support from real, live people.
Quote: “Wouldn’t you like to know how many viruses are sitting on your hard drive right now?”
Posted on July 17, 2007
BetterTrades
What It Is: A teaching system for stock market success.
Quote: “Take $1.45 and divide it by $3.55 and tell me what your rate of return is. Folks, 47 percent. You dig that? Now, do inquiring minds want to know how to do it? Yes or yes?”
Bonus Quote: “The market owes us a living, and we’re gonna make that living today.”
Posted on July 10, 2007
Swivel Sweeper
What it Is: An ultra-light, slim vacuum cleaner.
Quote: “It cleans forwards, but it also cleans backwards!”
Cost:$40 (Apparently cheaper here.)
Shill: Young-ish, slim, British infomercial super-hunk Anthony Sullivan. What is it with these Brits in infomercials? Some sort of shill-exchange program we haven’t been told about?
Posted on May 16, 2007
Ab-Doer Xtreme
I’ll buy one today, just in case I look like that.
What it Is: An ab workout machine and instructional DVD, guidebook, Web guide, etc.
Cost: The spot claims a full, free trial, complete with free shipping.
Quote: “Commit to becoming a ‘doer!”
Posted on April 20, 2007
Russ Dalbey’s Winning in the Cash Flow Business
Real-estate secrets around the pool. Yeah, just one pool.
What It Is: A book-and-CD set about making money in real estate “without a lot of hard work or financial risk.”
Cost: $39.95.
Quote: “Now is the time to discover an easier and more financially secure way of life . . . an opportunity for true financial freedom for the rest of your life, working only a few hours a month. And friends, that’s incredible!”
Posted on April 9, 2007
Yoga Booty Ballet
Many charming heads, all on the same body.
What it Is: Videos and books that show you a system of exercises specifically designed to flatten female abs and perk up asses. Also included is a “squishy ball,” for exercises that more closely resemble humping.
Quote: “Wouldn’t it be nice to have a firm, sculpted booty?”
Cost: $60
Posted on March 27, 2007
John Beck’s Free & Clear Real Estate System
You may make money! Here is what money looks like!
What It Is: An entrepreneurship system based on buying and selling properties that municipalities repossess and auction at low prices.
Description: Books, videos, and Web resources that guide you to tax-defaulted properties up for auction; you buy the properties cheap and rent or sell at a profit.
Cost: $39.95
Quote: “This is literally the only way that you can buy real estate for pennies on the dollar.”
Posted on March 13, 2007
More Natural Cures Revealed By Kevin Trudeau
The obsession hits long before the pitch.
What is Is: A book about alternative remedies the government and pharmaceutical companies apparently don’t want people to know about. Also the companion to various other titles on natural medicines and weight loss.
Quote: “It contains specific information that was censored out of the first book by the U.S. government.”
Posted on March 3, 2007
Michael Thurmond’s Six-Day Body Makeover
It’s a diet that masquerades as a non-diet.
What it Is: A diet and exercise plan. It includes anatomically engineered “blueprinting” cards, which you use to stack together a portrait of your body and arrive at a customized plan. For your workouts, Thurmond provides the body sculpting band – an elastic rope with handles at each end. For the dieting part, there’s a recipe and dining-out guide, and tapes on “living lean.”
Quote: “Eat more, exercise less, and make your entire body over exactly as you want it . . . if you do it, it’s impossible to fail!”
Posted on February 20, 2007
Sonic Blade
They took a perfectly good potential comic-book title for this?
What It Is: A cordless electric knife that uses sound waves to separate food.
Description: It vibrates. The motor is inside a handle that looks rather unwieldy, but. It also comes with a handy, fork-like tool that holds the food in place and cubes it, but also looks like it belongs in a hairdresser’s drawer.
Quotes: “All the goodness stays inside!” “Say goodbye to the squishing and squashing!”
Price: $133.32
Posted on February 18, 2007