Another Beachwood Special Report
Rahm Emanuel says he’ll do The Tonight Show with new host Jimmy Fallon if Fallon agrees to come to Chicago and take the Polar Plunge.
The Beachwood has learned, however, that that isn’t Rahm’s only stipulation. Here’s what else he’s demanding:
* Fallon must contribute to Rahm’s Children’s Fund.
* Fallon must do at least three overtime shifts for the CPD.
* Fallon not allowed to set foot in Scott Waguespack’s ward or appear anywhere with Bob Fioretti.
* Fallon must visit a UNO school.
* Jokes while here must be confined to deep-dish pizza, hot dogs and the Cubs.
* Fallon must never look Emanuel directly in the eye.
* Fallon must submit to a pat-down; he is not allowed to wear a wire.
* Fallon will not be allowed to vote No while visiting the city council.
* Fallon must agree to never having Chief Keef on his show.
* Fallon must agree to return for the Great Chicago Fire Festival – and he’s not allowed to make fun of it.
* As an out-of-towner, Fallon is not allowed to claim dibs.
* Fallon must “get his fucking act together” and “stop acting like a pussy.”
* Jimmy, I’d like you to meet your new agent, Ari.
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Comments welcome.
Posted on February 21, 2014