By Natasha Julius
The Beachwood Weekend Desk patrols the unsecure border of news and science fiction this weekend.
Orwell That Ends Well
Remember when you were a child and you received a really nice but completely age-inappropriate birthday present? Maybe it was a beautiful but fragile doll, or a complicated model airplane kit with dozens of tiny pieces. Whatever it was, you wanted it desperately and some kindly but misguided relative went a little overboard and bought it for you. So your parents, thinking they’d preserve the gift for a time when you could enjoy it without breaking it, took it away from you and hid it somewhere. Well, according to Michael Hayden, freedom’s kinda like that, too. If the pattern holds, by the time we get our civil liberties back we will have thoroughly lost interest.
One for the Road
According to a recently-conducted poll of adult Americans, a hummer really isn’t that big of a deal in the long run. GM was quick to respond.
They Hate Us Because They Like Us
In the time-honored tradition of smitten seventh-graders everywhere, Iran passed the U.S. a note in Home Room on Monday. America initially responded with a swift “eeeeeewwwww!” Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice subsequently indicated, though, that if Iran, like, maybe wanted to hang out with a bunch of Europeans and, like, the U.S. was there too or whatever, maybe that would be cool. We remember those first frightening days of teen romance, and can confidently predict these two crazy kids will be making out in the back of a movie theater any day now. And we’re pretty sure we know what they’ll be watching, too.
Saturday Night Fever
Suddenly, the guy with the binoculars seems a lot more reassuring.
What You Want Is Not Always Worth Getting
Hopes were dashed when the hotly-anticipated excavation of one of England’s enduring cultural symbols yielded little more than the vague scent of whiskey and a few lame jokes. Scientists feared these disappointing results might make it more difficult to gain access to similar sites in the future.
Posted on May 13, 2006