By Natasha Julius
Happy New Year, everyone! From noisemakers to newsmakers, we’re back to watching the stories that you need to follow.
BCS Election Show
On Monday, delegations from Ohio and Florida will battle for ultimate college football supremacy. While each state has been influential in previous national struggles, only Florida managed to pull off an upset. Call us crazy, but our money’s on the Gators in overtime.
Wet, Hot American Summit
Faced with the possible resignation of a high-profile underling, President Bush this week promised to stop fondling the help. Sources close to the situation, however, note that the president’s one-time executive assistant may still launch a sexual harassment suit claiming that Bush’s closeness forced him from his job.
Slow Ride
Sources say the CTA is considering a novel approach to placating riders caught in endless expansion, repair and improvement projects. Who says nothing good ever came out of Indiana?
Axis of Shevil Update, Part 1
Britney Spears this week threatened a bigger, better comeback, saying she has new material ready to go that will win the world over. The world seemed fairly cool to this latest threat.
Axis of Shevil Update, Part 2
Meanwhile, Lindsay Lohan’s desperate attempts to generate pity through her physical suffering have found at least one taker. President Bush maintains that although Paris Hilton’s behavior was unfortunate, the operation itself was justified.
Posted on January 6, 2007