By Marty Gangler
Okay, meaningless September baseball is something that Cubs fans are pretty used to. But extra inning meaningless September baseball is just the pits.
I mean, these guys have angered us all season, can’t they do us a solid and just end the game in the normal allotment of innings? Isn’t that fair?
Can’t we ask baseball to institute some sort of rule where teams flip a coin after nine innings when both teams are officially out of the pennant race? Would anyone not be a fan of this?
Or maybe just use computer simulations the rest of the way. This season needs to end so the Cubs can actually get someone in charge of the baseball operations. Like walking and chewing gum, this franchise can’t do both at the same time.
And leaving Tom Ricketts in charge with no voice to counter his is a disaster. Extending the contract of Oneri Fleita while the GM position is still open is like buying gas for a car you don’t own.
So let’s get this season over with before the next few go down the drain with it.
Week in Review: The Cubs took two of three from both the Reds and the Mets. And they have a better record than the Padres now. Score!
The Week in Preview: The Cubs have four more with the Reds and then the lowly Astros come to town for three games. They could catch the Marlins!
The Second Basemen Report: Darwin Barney got three starts, Jeff Baker got two, and DJ LeMahieu got one. Blake DeWitt got no starts despite hitting a homer last week in his only start. But we’re glad DJ is in the mix. Keeping the other team guessing which mediocre guy we’ll send out there each day has been the Cubs’ best strategy. It doesn’t lead to wins, but it’s their best strategy. Just like general manager X would have drawn it up.
In former second basemen news, Sparky Adams last played second base for the Cubs in 1927. At 5’4″ he was the smallest guy in the league when he played. He also had an odd batting follow-through if this picture is correct. He is missed.
The Zam Bomb: Big Z will continue to be Apologetic or Getting Angry or somewhere in between all to himself this season.
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Marlon Byrd Supplemental Report: Conte has apparently been injecting Marlon with sugar water all season because Marlon really had just another Marlon season. Nothing better.
Lost in Translation: Le-Lo-Lou-san is Japanese for September call ups DJ LeMahieu, Bryan LaHair, and Lou Montanez.
Endorsement No-Brainer: DJ LeMahieu, Bryan LaHair, and Lou Montanez for that soccer chant that goes le lo le lo le lo lou,le lou, le lou.
Sweet and Sour Quade: 10% sweet, 90% sour. Mike jumped up two points this week due to winning meaningless games. And just like your thought-to-be well-adjusted uncle, Mike once again took first prize in the annual 50-and-over male beauty pageant at the church picnic. He is the only one who enters every year and doesn’t realize it’s kind of just a gag deal.
Ameritrade Stock Pick of the Week: Shares of Old Style traded about the same as they always do as the Cubs will sell the beer just like they always do.
Over/Under: The amount of at-bats Jeff Baker and Reed Johnson should see the rest of the season +/- .5.
Beachwood Sabermetrics: A complex algorithm performed by The Cub Factor staff using all historical data made available by Major League Baseball has determined that we should have seen these kids three months ago.
Farm Report: The Iowa Cubs had their first losing season since 2005. So their training is taking hold.
The Cub Factor: Unlike Soriano, you can catch ’em all!
The White Sox Report: Know the enemy.
Mike Quade Status Update: “We don’t do things the easy way, that’s for sure,” the Cubs skipper said this weekend.
Actually, the problem is that the Cubs do do things the easy way.
Well-Adjusted / Delirious / High
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Posted on September 12, 2011