By George Ofman
Tom Ricketts, the new owner of the Cubs, sauntered into training camp in Mesa with an important message for his adopted dysfunctional clan: “We want everyone to feel they’re part of the family.”
Somewhere, Sister Sledge was experiencing a minor seizure.
Has Ricketts met Carlos Zambrano yet? And did he hand him a Gatorade and the business card of a friendly shrink?
If he shook hands with Alfonso Soriano, did he whisper in his ear, “You’re part of the family only I want some of my money back?”
Did he trade high fives with Carlos Marmol? That would be the safe way as opposed to having the Cubs’ closer throw him a “welcome to the family” first pitch.
Did he hug Geovany Soto and tell him fish and chicken is where it’s at? Did he bow to Kosuke Fukudome and then rush to translate the value of the yen to the dollar?
The new boss is ecstatic about owning a team whose heritage is about losing. But he brings with him an air of boyish charm and optimism.
“Oh man, it gets better and better,” he enthused. If he’s talking about the pitching staff, I can suggest an opthalmologist in Scottsdale.
“This is terrific” he offered of hobnobbing with the players in the locker room. “We think we had a terrific off-season and we have great players and great coaches and we should have a great year.”
Someone better warn Ricketts comedowns are hard to take when believing in the Cubs.
At least Milton Bradley is gone, and that alone makes for a great off-season until you run into Carlos Silva and his paunchy mid-section.
And someone better tell Tommy Boy that Soriano isn’t a great player. A financial drain, yes; a great player . . . I don’t think so.
Soriano arrived in camp with a repaired left knee – or so we thought. The left fielder declared himself about 85 percent ready, which is like saying Toyota simply suffered a flat tire. Soriano had arthroscopic surgery on his left knee five months ago. It was a simple procedure as surgeries go. He should have been 100 percent three months ago. What’s wrong with him?
Plenty. The Cubs could change the name on the back of his jersey to spell “Handle with care.”
This is a $90 million problem on top of the $46 million already doled out to the vastly overpaid free agent. Even a 100 percent Soriano is about a 70 percent Aramis Ramirez.
When the Cubs signed him to a monumental eight-year contract, the feeling was that Soriano would start going downhill around now. Instead, he headed in the wrong direction in his very first season here, suffering leg injuries that have basically stymied him ever since.
Fonzie has rarely been effective, save for sporadic hot streaks at the plate. Get him in the outfield – and particularly near ivy – and Soriano suddenly becomes allergic to defense.
Not that he was Gold Glover at second. More like a stone glover. (There’s a reason he ended up in left field.)
The Cubs are on the hook for $ 8 million annually for the next five years, by which time Soriano might become one of Ricketts’ partners.
Will he ever hit 30 homers again? Will he ever drive in 100 runs? How about 80?
Will he ever steal any bases as opposed to Ricketts’ money?
Will he learn not to swing at pitches about a football field wide of home plate?
At least he won’t be leading off. Here’s to your new family, Mr. Ricketts.
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George Ofman is now with WGN radio after a 17-year run with The Score. He also blogs for ChicagoNow under the banner That’s All She Wrote.
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Comments welcome.
Posted on February 24, 2010