By Andrew Reilly
Winning? Keeping division rivals from advancing through key moments? Who do these White Sox think they are? How dare they not sputter out and die like any self-respecting loser would?
Oh, sure, there are those lovely sound bites about fighting to the end, respecting the game, et al et cetera, which all certainly sounds cool but you know when fighting and winning would’ve sounded even cooler? August.
So we leave this season on a relatively high note the way we want to, so full of hope at what this recent burst of baseball vitality suggests, but also down and out because, you know, they were terrible. And they pretty much always were, even when they were good. Yes, there were those few days they spent at the top, but what good did any of that get them?
Mark Buehrle didn’t throw a perfect game because the 2009 Sox were a good team.
Gordon Beckham didn’t shine as a rookie because the 2009 Sox were a good team.
Jake Peavy didn’t end up in Chicago because the 2009 Sox were a good team.
But the Sox, those marginally useless and mostly non-spectacular Sox we just spent the past six months cheering and cursing, showed us once and for all that, in baseball, teamwork trumps all. Because while any individual good came about in spite of the Sox, they ended up with nothing to show for the season for the exact same reason: the 2009 Sox didn’t finish in a sub-.500 third place by being a good team. But you know that already. And, I suspect, so do they.
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Week in Review: Final. Take two of three twice, and all for naught to finish out on a 4-2 run.
Week in Preview: For the first time since June 27 through July 3 of this year, the White Sox will go a full seven days without losing a game.
Winter in Preview: Look for the Sox to shop for more speed, a stronger outfield defense, and some significant bullpen upgrades. Just like last year. And the year before. And the year before. And probably just like next year, too.
October Bandwagon Jumping: As a way of saying thanks for the hate crime they perpetrated against the Cubs last fall, the laughable hostility of their fan base, and for possibly representing Jim Thome’s last shot at a World Series ring, The White Sox Report gives its full endorsement to the Los Angeles Dodgers this post-season.
The Q Factor: Having finally presented the findings of his latest study, On the Molecular Symbiosis of Inconsistent Matter Structures as Applied to Pollutant Reduction for Low-Altitude Ecosystems, Carlos Quentin now turns his attention to restoring the nation’s economic foundation and rebuilding the confidence of both consumers and businesses before cooling the situations with Iran and North Korea.
A report from the Harvard Business School estimates these problems’ resolution will boost Quentin’s slugging percentage by at least 220 points, although Quentin later expanded upon their findings and increased the projection to 223. “I find that number, 223, to be quite fascinating,” Quentin told the Glasgow Mathematical Journal. “It’s a prime, but it also equals the number of primes and composites which cannot be expressed as the sum of two primes. What’s more, 223 is also the smallest of the three-digit primes, which shows a certain numerical tenacity which I hope to reflect in my contributions to White Sox baseball, and its digits also surface in the names of my two favorite characters from the Star Wars universe: R2-D2 and C-3PO. Man, I love those guys!”
Ye Olde Walnut Factory: Paul Konerko, 2009: .277 average, .352 on-base percentage, .492 slugging percentage, 28 homers, 88 driven in. Paul Konerko, career 162-game average: .277 average, .352 on-base percentage, .491 slugging percentage, 31 home runs, 100 driven in. Paul Konerko is everything you expect him to be, and even a little less.
That’s Ozzie!: “Can I say something from the bottom of my heart? It’s about time.”
– Guillen on Alex Rios’s excellent Saturday, although the subtext is laugh-out-loud funny.
The Guillen Meter: Despite the season resulting in failure and uselessness, The Guillen Meter reads an optimistic 8 for “Wait until you see my Halloween costume: I’m going as Buzz Lightyear!”
Center Stage: Will Alex Rios be the answer to the center field question the Sox have been asking since 2006? Probably not, but it’s nice to hope so anyway.
South Side Arms Race: Hard to believe, but Sox pitchers posted the second-lowest collective ERA in the American League this year; just imagine what it would’ve been without the terrible defense behind them! Still, with a front line of Mark Buehrle, John Danks, Gavin Floyd, and Jake Peavy, the Sox should theoretically have a rotation to rival the best of them in 2010. Then again, we said the same thing about the five-headed Buehrle/Contreras/Garcia/Garland/Vazquez monster going into 2006; in the spirit of disastrous history not repeating itself, The White Sox Report would like to pre-emptively anoint the 2010 White Sox rotation as the worst of all time.
Underclassmen Update: We celebrate Gordon Beckham’s sub-Podsian on-base percentage yet ridicule Chris Getz as he outperforms Alex Rios. Sometimes I don’t understand Sox fans.
Alumni News You Can Use: Non-All Star Nicky the Swish heads to the playoffs on the Yankees’ coattails while Javy the Squeeze will probably earn a Cy Young vote or two after putting up another stellar year for a team that had no use for such things. Formerly reviled Sox relievers Mike MacDougal and David Aardsma became top-flight closers for the Nationals and Mariners, respectively, while their South Side replacements took their place as reviled Sox relievers. Meanwhile, out west, former Hall of Fame outfielder Aaron Rowand’s numbers continue to slide closer to those of future Hall of Fame outfielder Brian Anderson. The White Sox Report hopes to spend 2010 keeping tabs on future former Sox DeWayne Wise and Scott Linebrink, both of whom took the mantle as heirs to the Anderson/Swisher/MacDougal empires.
Endorsement No-Brainer: The 2009 White Sox season for British glamour model Katie Price’s hilariously brief marriage: Thank God it’s over.
Hawkeroo’s Can-O-Corn Watch: Well, sometimes you get teams like our Sox that look like they should keep playing into October and don’t, and other times you get teams that no one, I mean no one thinks would still be around and those are the teams you have to watch out for. It’s like one of my old teammates, a pitcher named Ray Jarvis, told me, he said “Hawk, sometimes we just don’t know what’s happening out there.” And I tell you something, that’s exactly what we had here with our Sox: you just never knew.
Cubs Snub: Using their stupid slogan against Cub fans never gets old. Ever. When you sign a volatile, terrible outfielder, it’s gonna happen. When you psychotically expect your entire pitching staff to repeat their career years, it’s gonna happen. When you somehow find the hubris to write off the entire division before the season even starts, it’s gonna happen. When your front office makes idiotic moves just for the sake of making any kind of moves, it’s gonna happen. Because when it’s gonna happen, it’s gonna happen – no matter what it is, and no matter who you root for.
The White Sox Report: Read ’em all.
The Cub Factor: Know your enemy.
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The White Sox Report welcomes your comments.
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Andrew Reilly is the managing editor of The 35th Street Review and a contributor to many fine publications.
Posted on October 4, 2009