By Marty Gangler
I think we’ve learned a few things this week. First, when the Cubs score at least eight runs, they have a very good chance to win. Second, Marlon Byrd might be completely done. And third, Bruce Springsteen is coming to play at Wrigley Field this season.
With these three learned facts in mind, we here at The Cub Factor pondered just what the set list will be when Bruce and the E-Streeters come to town – and how he might tweak it to give his Wrigley show a 2012 Cubs slant:
1. Finding Parking On The Backstreets
2. Better Days In 2016
3. Land of Hope And Dreams But Mostly Failures
4. Born to Run Into Double Plays
5. 57 Prospects And None Are Good
6. Devils And Dusty
7. My Stadium In Ruin
8. Reason To Believe If You Are Insane
9. Red-Headed Man (The Ode of Matt Murton)
10. The Ghost Of That Goat
11. Prove It All Night (And A Lot Of Times During The Day)
Week in Review: The Cubs went 2-5 for the week, losing three of four to the Brewers and two of three to the Cardinals. So,they didn’t get swept, but let’s say they were sucked up in the vacuum.
The Week in Preview: The Cubs travel to Miami for three games against Fidel’s Marlins and then come home for three against Dusty’s Reds.
The Second Basemen Report: Seven games this week and Darwin Barney started six. Blake DeWitt got the other start – which looks to be just a rest for Barney. But Darwin got three walks this week – he only had 22 all last season. He even had a homer; he had just two of those last season. Maybe he learned something? Or got lucky? IDK, but I do know that he is going to keep his job for a while with those blistering stats. Which is just like the ghost of Jim Hendry drew it up.
In former second basemen news, Ryan Theriot, you know, the one that the Giants didn’t cut, is currently batting .176 with no walks in six games. He’s no Darwin Barney but he is missed.
Crazy Corners: No real shakeup at first and third with Ian Stewart and Bryan LaHair getting most of the playing time. And they did things like hit homers and get on base, sure, probably not enough, but still enough to keep their jobs on this team.
Weekly Bunting Report: If Matt Garza was an NCAA basketball team he wouldn’t even be in the main tournament as he struck out again trying to sacrifice bunt this week. He’d be a bubble team for the NIT.
The Zam Bomb: The Cubs miss Big Z in this series, which is too bad, but I see Ozzie Guillen pandering to the big goof and getting him in there to pinch hit. This makes the big guy apologetic.
–
Endorsement No-Brainer: Dusty Baker for TM Entertainments favorite party game, Hot Seat!
Ameritrade Stock Pick of the Week: The futures market in Excuses is off the chart with the Chicago media being able to talk to both Ozzie and Dusty this week.
Sink or Sveum: 85% Analytical, 15% Emotional. Sveum went with his gut a bit much this week, continuing to play Marlon Byrd and ignoring obvious reality. This drops him seven points. On a scale of Bat Sh#t Crazy, (Charles Manson), Not All There, (random guy with a neck tattoo), Thinking Clearly (Jordi LaForge), and Non-Emotional Robot (Data), Dale is thinking clearly, but just barely. He may be making a tattoo appointment in the coming week.
And just like your level-headed uncle, Dale can see that you are struggling in freshman honors calculus but he thinks you can figure it out given a little more time so you don’t have to be dropped into the regular class. But one more bad test score and it’ll really look like your uncle is doing you a favor as the assistant principal if you don’t get moved down.
Over/Under: The number of fans who think Dusty Baker is/was a good manager just because he took the Cubs further than they’d been in forever: +/- WAY too many.
Don’t Hassle The Hoff: Micah Hoffpauir is batting .381 with two homers and seven RBI for the Nippon Ham Fighters through seven games this season. He is not being hassled in Japan, and is always missed.
Beachwood Sabermetrics: A complex algorithm performed by The Cub Factor staff using all historical data made available by Major League Baseball has determined that there isn’t a stat in the world that can convince a sane human being that Marlon Byrd is still a Major Leaguer.
–
Contact The Cub Factor!
Posted on April 16, 2012