By Marty Gangler
Finally, that debacle is over.
We here at The Cub Factor are actually excited now that we can look ahead to next season. Will there be an Upton Brothers Report? A Disguise of the Week for new manager Bobby Valentine? The adventures of Chicago’s new great crime stopper, The Clevenger? Mount Listach? The possibilities are endless.
Year in Review: The Cubs went 71-91 to finish in fifth place. Luckily the Cubs play in the only division with six teams in it and one of those teams is the Astros, so they didn’t finish last, except in our hearts.
The Season in Preview: It can’t get any worse, can it? Er, wait . . .
The Second Basemen Report: Jeff Baker, Blake DeWitt, Darwin Barney and DJ LeMahieu all played second base for the Cubs in 2011. Jeff Baker, Blake DeWitt, Darwin Barney and DJ LeMahieu will all play second base for the Cubs in 2012. Just like the ghost of Jim Hendry drew it up.
In former second basemen news, Johnny Evers is still the last second baseman to win the World Series with the Cubs. He is missed.
The Zam Bomb: Big Z is selling his River Forest home, which features 13 rooms – one for each of his personalities. Just for old times’ sake, we’ll set his final status at Boom.
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Marlon Byrd Supplemental Report: Conte has been injecting Marlon with “Starting Job in 2012” but we can’t tell if it’s working.
Lost in Translation: Nextee yerio Carlos-san Marmolio is Japanese for we should have traded this guy when he had value.
Endorsement No-Brainer: Alfonso Soriano for weed. Because this guy really thinks his spot in the batting order was the problem.
Sweet and Sour Quade: 12% sweet, 88% sour. Mike stood pat this week as he continues to believe he’ll be back managing the Cubs next season. And just like your thought-to-be well-adjusted uncle, Mike was your favorite uncle when you were a kid. You thought he was the best. He took you to ballgames, taught you how to throw a curveball, and let you stay up late and watch SNL when your folks were out. But as you got older you realized that he was just acting as if he was eternally 15. Which isn’t a bad thing until you actually have to count on him to pick you up from the airport or watch your kids.
Ameritrade Stock Pick of the Week: Shares of Hope will trade higher this offseason for a brief moment, so take advantage of the market inefficiency to lock your friends into bets they’ll regret come the regular season.
Over/Under: The amount of time it will take to hire a GM: +/- a little more time than everyone would like.
Beachwood Sabermetrics: A complex algorithm performed by The Cub Factor staff using all historical data made available by Major League Baseball has determined that sabermetrics are important.
Farm Report: Where have you gone, Esmailin Caridad? A lonely Cubs Nation turns its eyes to you.
The Cub Factor: Unlike Soriano, you can catch ’em all!
The White Sox Report: Know the enemy.
Mike Quade Status Update: Quade In No Rush To See Moneyball.
Waiting for the book.
Well-Adjusted / Delirious / High
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Posted on September 28, 2011