By Rick Kaempfer and Dave Stern
The Cubs are going to win it all this year. Because it’s been a little while since this last occurred, we’ll catch you up on everything you need to know.
“A” writes: OK, I’m getting a little nervous here. There are way too many people who have heard me say that I would give my left nut for a Cubs World Series Championship. If they win it, do I have any legal recourse to protect my left nut?
R&D: No, sorry, you don’t. Don’t feel bad though. Not everybody has nuts. For instance, Almond Joy’s got nuts. Mounds don’t.
“J” writes: My grandfather came home from the big war too late to see the Cubs play in the World Series the last time they were there. I’d like to take him this year, but my question is this: Which possible rival has the most Japanese players? It would have extra special meaning for Gramps if we could beat the Japanese again while the Cubs are in the World Series.
R&D: Gramps is in luck. There are three contenders in the American League that have a few Japanese players. The Seattle Mariners are still in the thick of the American League West race and they have two Japanese players in their every day lineup: Ichiro and Kenji Johjima. The Yankees still aren’t out of it either, and they have Hideki Matsui and Kei Igawa. (Tell Gramps that Chien Mien Wang is from Taiwan ). But if he really wants to hit the mother lode, he should probably be rooting for the Red Sox. They have Dice K and Hideki Okajima – but they also have something that the other two teams don’t have: a real live Kraut in Curt Schilling.
“F” writes: I’ve never been to a World Series at Wrigley Field. Do they have a dress code?
R&D: They certainly did the last time. Gentlemen were expected to wear nice trousers, a jacket, and a fedora. Ladies were expected to wear dresses, gloves, and hats. Goats were not welcome, regardless of what they wore.
“M” writes: My summer reading program for school includes Tom Sawyer and Huckleberry Finn. How can I concentrate on Mark Twain when the Cubs are winning?
R&D: If it makes you feel any better, Mark Twain might have been a Cubs good luck charm. In his lifetime they were a powerhouse. In fact, during the last five years of his life they were in the World Series four times. (He died during the Cubs World Series season of 1910.) Their bad luck started shortly thereafter. They lost the series in five games to the A’s, they broke up the double-play combination of Tinkers to Evers to Chance, and the star pitcher on that Cubs team (King Cole), went to Africa after the series, contracted malaria and died.
“X” writes: I know Al Capone was a fixture in the stands during the 1929 World Series, and there have been other gangsters at the World Series during the 30s and 40s, but what are we going to do this year? It seems like all of our gangsters are tied up in that Mob Secrets trial. Who will be the enforcers if the other side gets out of hand?
R&D: Not to worry. We’ve got those 80-year-old ushers making sure nobody sits in the good seats. Everything should be fine.
“G” writes: Do you think that we can convince any of the Cubs players to call a home run shot in the World Series, so we can finally stop talking about Babe Ruth’s called shot?
R&D: Absolutely. However, let’s make sure it isn’t Kerry Wood. He’ll probably throw his arm out pointing.
“L” writes: I’ve got Zambrano pitching in Game 1 of the World Series, followed by Lilly, but I can’t decide who should pitch Game 3. Who would you choose right now?
R&D: Three Fingers Mordecai Brown. He’s been there before, understands the pressure, and throws the best spitball in the league.
*
Previously:
– The Cubs Answer Men #1: Rule changes and parade seating.
*
Originally appearing at Half Empty. If you have any other questions about how to handle the World Series, feel free to send them to Rick and Dave. Between now and the big parade they’ll try to get to as many of your questions as they can.
Posted on August 10, 2007