By Marty Gangler
You would think Cubs players have it all, getting paid millions of dollars to work in the world’s best ballpark and live in one of the world’s best cities while drawing adoring fans despite years of losing in ways beyond description. So why are so many Cubs so angry?
It can’t just be the losing. After all, the Pirates, Devil Rays, and Nationals aren’t charging the mound every day.
Carlos Zambrano, sure. He’s nuts. Michael Barrett? Not the most solid bat in the rack. But when Derrek Lee loses it, you have to wonder: Why is this team angrier than Rosie O’Donnell at an Elizabeth Hasselback baby shower? What’s going on in that clubhouse?
We here at The Cub Factor blame the clubhouse boombox. Look at this playlist.
1. Take This Job and Shove It/Johnny Paycheck.
Requested by: Lou Piniella.
2. Only God Knows Why/Kid Rock.
Requested by: Carlos Zambrano.
3. Head Like a Hole/Nine Inch Nails.
Requested by: Michael Barrett.
4. Don’t Go Away Mad, Just Go Away/Motley Crue.
Requested by: Jacque Jones.
5. Livin’ On a Prayer/Bon Jovi.
Requested by: Ryan Dempster.
6. I Don’t Care Anymore/Phil Collins.
Requested by: Cesar Izturis.
7. Smells Like Teen Spirit/Nirvana.
Requested by: Mike Fontenot.
8. Good Riddance (Time of Your Life)/Green Day.
Requested by: Matt Murton.
9. Who’ll Stop the Rain/CCR.
Requested by: Jim Hendry.
10. We’re Not Gonna Take It/Twisted Sister.
Requested by: Gerald Perry.
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Week in Review: The Cubs went 4-3, winning the Monday make-up game against the Astros, taking two of three from the Mariners and losing two of three to the Padres. A decent week, but the Brewers had a better one and the Cubs lost ground in the standings. This season might be turning around, but an old man is driving who doesn’t see very well and he doesn’t know that his turn signal has been blinking for the last 20 minutes, so it could take a while to get there.
Week in Preview: The Cubs hit the road for six games; three against Sammy Sosa and a bad Ranger team in Texas, and three again against the White Sox at the Cell. With the Sammy kisses and White Sox trash talk, this week is going to suck. Wake me up Monday the 25th when the Rockies are in town. I might be done throwing up by then.
Second Basemen Repor: The Cubs have a new second baseman, Mike Fontenot. Mike started at second six of the last seven games and knocked the crap out of the ball. Sure, he might be the best second-sacker they’ve had this year, but he’s only seeing playing time because Aramis Ramirez got hurt and Cesar Izturis is stinking it up, resulting in moving the team’s other second basemen, Mark DeRosa and Ryan Theriot, to third and short. Just like Jim Hendry drew it up.
On a side note, The Cub Factor hereby christens Theriot and Fontenot The Cicadas. They are pesky, they have a lot of buzz, and as players from the Cubs minor league system performing well, they don’t come along very often.
In former second basemen news, Damian Jackson hit .198 in 67 games for the Nationals last year and was released. He signed with the Dodgers in 2007 but was released in March. He is missed.
Sweet and Sour Lou: 58% sweet and 42% sour. Lou is down 4 points on the Sweet-O-Meter due to Derrek Lee’s pending suspension. Like your real crazy old uncle, Lou isn’t too happy you got into a fight, but he’s secretly glad it wasn’t with one of your brothers. After a few too many Busch Lights, Uncle Lou is going to take you into the basement to hit the old heavy bag a few times, you know, so if you do get into a fight, you know what to do.
Beachwood Sabermetrics: A complex algorithm performed by the The Cub Factor staff using all historical data made available by Major League Baseball has determined that if you score zero runs your chances of winning are greatly diminished.
Over/Under: The amount of “kisses” blown to the camera in the Ranger series: +/- 3.
The Cub Factor: Catch up with them all.
Mount Lou: Lou has moved to Yellow after events out of Mount Lou’s control have begun to create pressure beneath the surface. With the once completely dormant Mount Lee causing significant seismic activity (who knew it even possessed magma?), it’s only a matter of time before tensions caused by the closing of Mount Lee to tourists creates another Mount Lou eruption. Expect lava on the South Side this weekend.
Posted on June 18, 2007