By Marty Gangler
It feels like the 2009 season never ended.
The Cubs have picked up right where they left off.
Sure, there are some lousy new faces where the old lousy faces were before, but it sure feels like the same team.
It’s kind of like when you are a kid and you finish 4th grade for the summer and you feel glad that it’s over because well, fourth grade just sucked for you. And you tell yourself all summer that fifth grade is going to be different. In fifth grade I’m going to run faster than Bobby Sanders and Becky Richards is going to notice me and totally want to sit by me at lunch. But then you are three days into 5th grade and Bobby Sanders totally smoked you in gym class and Becky Richards shot you a “what the F are you doing” look when you just paused for a second near her table. And fifth grade is exactly like you remembered fourth grade being. So then you fake a stomachache, go to the school nurse’s office and talk to her about how you are feeling. She tells you that it’s only three days into the new year and things will get better – except you don’t believe her because she told you the same thing at the beginning of last year and you feel exactly the same way as you always felt.
So yeah, it’s technically been a week but it feels like forever.
Week in Review: The Cubs started off the 2010 campaign losing two of three to both the Braves and the Reds in fairly crap-tacular fashion. Cubs Fever, catch it! Then get a shot so you never catch it again.
Week in Preview: The Cubs start the home portion of the season with three against both the Brewers and Astros. It’s true, they get to frustrate Cub fans in person, too.
The Second Basemen Report: Remember last season when the Cubs thought they really had something in Mike Fontenot so he became their starter at second base only to be exposed as more of a spot-start guy and not really legit? It’s okay if you didn’t remember that, because it’s happening again this year. Lil’ Fontenot got five starts and Jeff Baker got one. Just like Jim Hendry drew it up.
In former second basemen news, Mark DeRosa is off to a .214 start for the Giants. Ronnie Cedeno is off to a.375 start for the Pirates. They both are both missed.
The Zam Bomb: Big Z’s belly is smaller but is the wick on the Zam Bomb longer? It’s a little too early to tell; he begins apologetic.
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Lost in Translation: Jimmie-o Hendri-san is f’n stinkee is Japanese for Really? This is the bullpen?
Endorsement No-brainer: Carlos Silva for whatever the opposite of Weight Watchers is.
Sweet and Sour Lou: 42% sweet. 58% sour. Lou begins the year already a bit pissed off due to a bad bullpen and Soriano. And just like your real crazy drunk uncle, Lou is counting the days until retirement from the brewery and planned on taking it easy until it was time to hang up his brewing shoes. But due to budget cuts he has to work even harder and that was not part of the plan.
Ameritrade Stock Pick of the Week: Shares of Old Style are up this week. It’s not a very good beer but neither are the Cubs. And Cub fans will have to drown their sorrows in something, tradition is tradition.
Over/Under: Innings before the booing starts today: +/- 1.2
Beachwood Sabermetrics: A complex algorithm performed by the The Cub Factor staff using all historical data made available by Major League Baseball has determined that at some point playing time has to be determined on if you can help the team win and not how big your contract is.
The Cub Factor: Unlike Soriano, you can catch ’em all!
The White Sox Report: Now with a weekly Cubs Snub.
Fantasy Fix: Multi-Tool OFs: Prepare now for early waiver wire candidates.
The Mount Lou Alert System: Is at Yellow. Surprisingly, North Side seismologists have found a small fire burning deep in the large belly of Mount Lou. What was once considered completely dormant now may be showing signs of activity. The neighborhood should be mildly on alert.
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Posted on April 12, 2010