By Marty Gangler
There are certain points in the season that make you say to yourself, “Self, remember when . . . ” Like, remember when we thought Mike Fontenot was going to play second base everyday? And remember when we thought Milton Bradley might be a nutcase, but he’d at least put up some numbers? And let’s not forget, remember when Big Z was just a few mental issues away from a Cy Young run? Well, we here at The Cub Factor are remembering something else these days: Remember when we all kinda thought Derrek Lee sucked? Suddenly, Mr. Lee is not just putting together one of his best years in a while, he’s putting together one of his best years in his life. So, what happened? What got into D Lee? We here at The Cub Factor have a few ideas that may explain why this guy is so good again:
* Found some of Sammy Sosa’s old Flintstones vitamins
* Started breathing through his eyelids and wearing ladies undergarments
* Clunker bats turned in for more energy efficient models
* Trying to impress Jeff Baker
* Trying to impress newly single Kate Gosselin
* Sam Zell’s checks started clearing again
* Facebook status updates started to really bum out his friends
* Has been the master of his domain since July 1
* Just doing what Pete Rose tells him to do
* Just figured out that scouting reports aren’t just for scouts
Week in Review: The Cubs took two of three from the Reds and lost two of three to the Rockies, continuing a trend of beating teams below .500 and losing to teams above .500. Which means they’ll probably finish at .500.
Week in Preview: One more in Colorado and then Phillies and Pirates come to town. Prediction: will lose two of three to the Phillies and take two of three from the Pirates.
The Second Basemen Report: Three starting second basemen – Mike Fontenot, Jeff Baker and Aaron Miles – in six games. Just like Hendry drew it up.
In former second baseman news, Ronnie Cedeno is batting over .300 for the Pirates and Mark DeRosa has hit eight home runs since the All-Star break. Both are missed.
The Zam Bomb: Big Z is furious about the diaper development noted in the Cubs Snub item here.
–
Lost in Translation: Fukudome is Japanese for “fills lineup holes where left in ruins by Soriano and Bradley.”
Endorsement No-Brainer: Jim Hendry for Cash for Clunkers because, well, you get the idea.
Milton Bradley Game of the Week: Guess Who? Because that guy drawing walks and trying to bunt his way on instead of driving in runs looks like Milton Bradley, but sure isn’t the guy Hendry thought he signed.
Sweet and Sour Lou: 45% sweet, 55% sour. Lou is down another four points on the Sweet-O-Meter due to missed opportunities and bad calls. And just like your real crazy drunk uncle, Lou knows it wasn’t your fault it rained during Aunt Gertrude’s party but he asked you to rent a tent just in case and you didn’t. So yeah, he’s pissed and your apology isn’t going to help make a wet cake taste better.
Don’t Hassle the Hoff: That means you, too, Iowa.
Over/Under: Uncle Lou ejections this week: +/- 1.5
Beachwood Sabermetrics: A complex algorithm performed by the The Cub Factor staff using all historical data made available by Major League Baseball has determined that the Captain Morgan Club is an abomination.
The Cub Factor: Unlike Soriano, you can catch ’em all!
The White Sox Report: Now with a weekly Cubs Snub.
Fantasy Fix: Randy Wells, Geovany Soto and Matt Forte.
The Mount Lou Alert System: A relatively lackluster eruption has seismologists wondering just how much lava is left in ol’ Mount Lou.
–
Contact The Cub Factor!
Posted on August 9, 2009