By Marty Gangler
Another week and another week of Cub victories. The wins are coming easy these days. But as their lead in the division widens and the schedule grows shorter, Cub fans are in a strange predicament. Where’s the drama? We need some soap operas about the bullpen, the rotation, Lou’s lineups . . . anything. To that end, we here at The Cub Factor have put together a few tips to “increase the drama” as we head toward fall.
* Tell your girlfriend that the next time the Cubs lose a series you’ll propose to her.
* Parlay the Cubs with the Bears the rest of the way.
* Call in to sports radio stations claiming that the Cub season rests on the arm of Bob Howry and then try to argue your point.
* Drink every time someone makes an out.
* Bring your pet goat to a game at Wrigley and see what happens.
* Watch games with the sound down and Dark Side of the Moon on to see if they sync up.
* Start devising all the ways you could make money if the World Series comes to town.
* Do the unthinkable and turn your attention to the White Sox.
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Week in Review: The Cubs beat the living hell out of the Braves and took two of three from the Marlins to go 5-1 on a historically tough road trip.
Week in Preview: The Cubs come home to play three against good old Dusty Baker and his godawful Reds team and then three more at home against the even-worse Nationals. Anything less than 6-0 will be a travesty.
The Second Basemen Report: Six games this week split down the middle for starts by Mark DeRosa and Mighty Mike Fontenot. Of course, DeRosa played every other position as well as taking tickets and serving beer in the stands. Just like Jim Hendry drew it up.
In former second basemen news, Dave Rosello needs to tend to his legacy. He is missed.
The Zam Bomb: Even with a sweet mustache, Big Z is getting angry. He could go at any time.
Lost in Translation: Domo Areedgoto is Japanese for platooning with Reed Johnson.
Sweet and Sour Lou: – 71% sweet, 29% Sour. Lou is up a staggering seven points on the Sweet-O-Meter due to winning on the road. And just like your real crazy drunk uncle, Lou is happy that you kids behaved yourself when he took you to Six Flags over the weekend. Because he really would have turned that car around if he’d heard a lot of yappin’ in the backseat.
Center Stage: Jim Edmonds started four games this week and Reed Johnson started two. They both bring different and needed things to the table. Like, if this was a barbeque, Jimmy would bring the ketchup and RJ would bring the tunes.
The Cub Factor: Catch up with them all.
Beachwood Sabermetrics: A complex algorithm performed by the The Cub Factor staff using all historical data made available by Major League Baseball has determined that the Cubs should start printing playoff tickets.
Over/Under: The number of games the Cubs will lose this week because they are the Cubs and should never be trusted: +/- 3.
Mount Lou: Lou stays at level green. Birds, deer, and cute little bunnies have all returned to the once volatile surface of Mount Lou. And they should stay there for a while.
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Posted on August 18, 2008