By Marty Gangler
As another season is about to begin, the consensus around here seems to be that the Cubs are good enough to win woeful NL Central Division, but mostly because the division is horrendous. So it’s like the Cubs are the fifth-grader on the playground with the third-graders. I guess that’s good. But what will happen when they graduate eighth grade at the end of the season and go into junior high? Will they still be able to hang? Or will they be stuffed into a locker come playoff time? Will the foreign exchange student be rated cool or lame? Will guidance counselor Lou keep them sober, unpregnant and in school? Or will superintendent Hendry cast a shadow so dark that this team just gives up to go smoke pot in the woods everyday? Unfortunately, until we get to the end of September we just aren’t going to know if they will grow up enough to play with the big boys.
Week in Review: There were a bunch of spring training games that really didn’t mean anything.
Week in Preview: The Cubs come north to open the 2008 season with three games against a young Brewers team that really didn’t seem to improve itself in the off-season, followed by three against an Astro team that might be its worst in years.
The Second Basemen Report: The starting job looks to default to Mark DeRosa despite every attempt by Jim Hendry to get Brian Roberts. This is good news for DeRosa and The Second Baseman Report but probably not for the Cubs, who could really use Roberts as their leadoff man. But these are the Cubs, so expect a number of players to once again man the second sack this season. You know, just like Jim Hendry drew it up.
In former second basemen news, Tom Veryzer last played second base for the Cubs in 1984. His whereabouts these days are unknown. He is missed.
Zam Bomb : A crack team of doctors seems to have defused the Zam Bomb for now. He is apologetic for now but as Big Z has said himself, only God can control his temper and my bet is that God is busy.
Lost in Translation: Kerrio Wud is Japanese for “wildflower.”
Center Stage: I know it looks tasty, but this Pie isn’t ready yet.
Sweet and Sour Lou: 85% Sweet, 20% Sour. Lou is a little cranky after a spring of Cubbie occurences and continuing lineup instability. But just a little.
Beachwood Sabermetrics: A complex algorithm performed by the Cub Factor staff using all historical data made available by Major League Baseball has determined that 100 years is a long-ass time.
99 Years of Cub Losses (99 Jahre von Bengeln Verlusten): Cursed by goats, and a guy with glasses, our Cubs front office, run by asses.
Over/Under: The weather at Wrigley Field as opposed to the weather at Miller Park +/ a lot worse.
Mount Lou: Mount Lou begins the volcanic season at level green but natives be warned. Not meeting early season expectations will make Mount Lou rumble early and often. Molten rock can still be spit in cold weather.
Posted on March 31, 2008