What a week! In the immortal words of Flounder from Animal House, “Isn’t this great?” Indeed, this is a Cub fan’s dream isn’t it? Sure, the real dream is to win the World Series but you have to be soaking this up. Memorable last two weeks of the season don’t happen much around here, so let’s take in all this race has to offer.
That said, this run isn’t for the faint of heart. Oh no, this is life/death, they suck/they’re great, I love them/I hate them baseball on most every pitch. With this in mind, we here at The Cub Factor would like to offer some “things to do” to help cope with the potentially gut-wrenching final weeks. Sure they’re sitting pretty right now, but do you think it’s going to be smooth sailing the rest of the way? Have you not learned anything in your lifetime? These are the Cubs. The lovable – and not so much – losers, remember? So here are a few coping aids to keep you this side of sane.
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Start smoking. The Cubs’ inevitable defeat is probably going to kill you anyway.
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Date someone horribly wrong for you. All the brutal relationship issues will take your mind off the Cubs.
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Become a White Sox fan. Good seats still available for the final homestand.
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Go find a cave to live in. If the Cubs do win it all you might be the only one left in Chicago alive after the fires and looting.
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Adopt a goat. So you’ll have someone to blame when it all comes crashing down.
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Adopt Steve Bartman. So you’ll have someone to blame when it all comes crashing down.
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Get really, really drunk before you watch the games. In other words, don’t change a thing.
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Please, stop believing. You’re only making it harder on yourself. These are the Cubs.
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Week in Review: The Cubs went 5-1, taking two of three from the Reds and swabbing the deck with the Pirates. Time to get the Opening Day bunting out of the moth balls.
Week in Preview: The Cubs get the day off Monday and then travel to Florida and Cincinnati for three each with the Marlins and Reds to close the season. The Cubs Homeland Security Spoiler Alert System is at Teal and Red.
The Second Basemen Report: Mark DeRosa started all six games at second base last week. I’m almost positive this has not happened all season long. So maybe Jim Hendry was right about DeRosa being the every day second baseman. He was just wrong about the every day shortstop, catcher, right fielder, center fielder and left fielder – five of eight starting positions. And actually, he was wrong about DeRosa too, the every day second baseman who also played third, first, the outfield and grounds crew rakeman. You know, just like Jim Hendry drew it up.
In former second basemen news, Manny Alexander played for the Columbus Clippers, the Triple-A affiliate of the Washington Nationals, in 2007. He is missed.
Zam Bomb: After a short fuse outing earlier in the week on short rest, the Zam bomb destroyed the Pirates on Sunday, but still remains angry.
Sweet and Sour Lou: 75% sweet and 25% sour. Lou is up five more points on the Sweet-O-Meter this week due to late inning heroics and a probable trip to the postseason. And just like your real crazy drunk uncle, Lou is glad you made it to sectionals in the state spelling bee but he’s still not going to remember your name.
Beachwood Sabermetrics: A complex algorithm performed by the The Cub Factor staff using all historical data made available by Major League Baseball has determined that in any other division the Cubs are already out of it.
Over/Under: The number of Cub fans who can’t believe Ted Lilly is this good: +/- all of them.
Cubs Fans Theme Song: “Please Stop Believin’”
The Cubs Answer Men: No. 4 coming this week.
The Cub Factor: Catch up with them all.
Mount Lou: Despite a tremendous week for the Cubs, Mount Lou continues to stay at Level Orange. Expect playoff pressure to keep Lou’s rock molten and ready to explode. Be advised that Magic Number Zero Lava may erupt before the weekend. But this is the good kind of lava.
Posted on September 24, 2007