By Eric Emery
Welcome to the big time, Kool-Aid Nation. Enjoy it while it lasts.
For the rest of us, here are some talking points to employ around the office, in your fantasy leagues, and on Sundays with your buddies watching the game.
Do The Rummy
“Do the Bears have a great team? Yes. Do the Bears have a dominant defense? Yes. Do they show an uncanny ability to peak too early and crap themselves in the playoffs? Without a doubt.”
Wield Unverified Statistics
“Teams that start 4-0 only make the Super Bowl 25 percent of the time . . . No team with the easiest schedule in the league has made it to a Super Bowl . . . The only winning percentage that correlates to championships is versus teams with winning records.”
Invoke Recent History To Predict Future Events
“The Steelers beat the Bears last year to start their championship run. The Giants/Jets/Patriots will do the same this year.”
Dismiss The Whole Enterprise
“I suppose the Bears are interesting, but I won’t be able to watch the game on Sunday. I’ve got a meeting at the United Nations – we’re trying to end the slaughter in Darfur.”
Be Too Cool For School
“I don’t know, all these new Bears fans, it’s like the whole scene has just gentrified. I follow the Texans now.”
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Buffalo at Chicago, Sunday October 8, noon
Da Mangler contacted me following the Bears win to say “I cannot wait for you to pin this (Bears win) on Alexander’s foot.” Actually, I pin this loss on the Bears playing exceptionally well.
Eight-in-box fails. Two-deep zones fail. Playing in Soldier Field fails. Your only hope is to pressure Grossman. Would that work? We likely won’t find out. The Bills rank 11th in sacks.
On the plus side for Buffalo, they also don’t turn the ball over very often.Then again, they don’t move the ball forward either. Order extra ice for Bills punter Brian Moorman’s knee. There is a reason the Bills are 2-2; they simply cannot complete under normal circumstances, and the Bears are simply playing too well to pick against them.
Now to take two Advil for my increasingly piercing headache.
Pick: Chicago minus 11/Over 34 points.
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For Bears win:
Sugar in the Blue & Orange Kool-Aid: 100%
Recommended sugar in the Blue & Orange Kool-Aid: 95%
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For more Emery, see the Kool-Aid archive, and the Over/Under archive. He can be contacted at Eric_Emery12345@yahoo.com.
Posted on October 4, 2006