By Eric Emery
Here’s the funniest thing I’ve heard about the 2008 Bears:
“The Bears should be 4-0.”
Here’s the news flash: “If my aunt had nuts, she’d be my uncle.”
The fact is, after this week’s game against Detroit, Bears fans will feel the best they ever will this year. It’s just too bad that the Bears will be unable to quit while they’re ahead. Only if others could quit while they’re ahead too.
For example:
* The Cubs should have quit after the regular season.
* Obama should have quit after his speech in Denver.
* The Bears should have quit after the 1985 season.
* Sarah Palin should have quit after the convention.
* ABC should have cancelled Desperate Housewives after one season.
* America should have quit after the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor.
* George W. Bush should have quit after 9/11.
* Michael Moore should have quit after Roger & Me.
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Bears at Lions
Storyline: NFC North rivals meet. Expect a close game, because we’re not in the business of mentioning the Lions’ lack of talent.
Reality: In my pre-season Over/Under, I’d be criticized for picking the Lions to have a bad year. Like the eternal discussion of free will vs. determinism, the Lions serve as the best example of determinism. They will always stink no matter what they do.
Prediction: Bears Minus 2.5 Points, Under 44.5 Points Scored
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Percentage of sugar in the Pitcher of Blue and Orange Kool-Aid: 70%
Recommended sugar in the Pitcher of Blue and Orange Kool-Aid: 40%
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Over/Under: If politicians ran the NFL.
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Eric Emery grew up in small-town Illinois but has an irrational love of the Pittsburgh Steelers. Every week he writes The Blue & Orange Kool-Aid Report and Over/Under. You can send him love letters and hate mail and he will respond graciously.
Posted on October 3, 2008