Today marks the one year anniversary of Bears fans collectively saying “We’ve one good offensive player away from the championship.” The Bears drafted such a player in the first round, and quickly received a beating from the NFL.
Perhaps the Bears need to change draft strategy. Perhaps the key is to draft from a different talent pool. Here are my recommendations:
Round One: Draft one of Todd Stroger’s many public relations representatives to help the Bears Front Office sell Bear fans on the idea that they are one player away from a championship.
Round Two: Given that Lovie has no problem saying “Rex is our quarterback,” draft a speech therapist to help Lovie say “Kyle is our quarterback.”
Round Two, extra pick: Given that Lovie has no problem saying “Rex is our quarterback,” scour the country for a quarterback named Rex to draft.
Round Three: Draft a wide receiver from Ripon College to help make the Bears’ lackluster WR corps look like superstars.
Round Four: Draft a guardian angel to get Devin Hester from blowing out his knee. You need help from His helpers to make sure Hester remains ridiculous.
Round Five: Draft a driver to follow Lance Briggs so he may be wisked away from accident scenes more safely.
Round Six: Draft a babysitter to watch Brian Urlacher’s kids.
Round Seven: Draft another babysitter to change Urlacher’s diapers.
–
For more Emery, see the Kool-Aid archive, and the Over/Under archive. Emery accepts comments from Bears fans reluctantly and everyone else tolerably.
–
1. From Tim Howe:
Something for your sports pages, a list of the Top 21 NFL Draft Busts of All Time. Oddly, the Bears have only two on the list: Curtis Enis at 19, and Cade McNown at 21. I would have thought they could just list the last 21 quarterbacks picked by the Bears and be done with their list.
Posted on April 24, 2008