By Eric Emery
Here is the deal with bad ideas: you’d think people would have the good sense to avoid them. After a quick check of the stats before the Denver game, one finds that Devin Hester leads the team in TDs. That’s noteworthy for a RB or WR, but crazy for somebody who excels in a facet least known for scoring. When your starting QB has fewer TD passes than a Return Specialist, perhaps the squib kick is your best option. To quote Clint Eastwood in Magnum Force, a man’s got to know his limitations.
Just in case it needs to be said again: Don’t kick to Devin Hester and don’t do any of the following either.
* Start a land war in Asia or the Middle East during the winter. Or without an exit plan.
* When running for President, address Hillary Clinton as “The Honorable Skank from New York.”
* Play the song “Dominic the Donkey” even if you’re trying to get the song stuck in somebody else’s head.
* Purchase the official “Countdown to the Chris Dodd Presidency” wall calendar.
* Gleefully comment that we’re watching history unfold after two teams fail to score after 59 minutes of football. (At the end of regulation of a 0-0 game, should the NFL change the terminology of “Overtime” to “Injury Time”?)
* Suggest that you should make “Top 10” money after making one difficult catch all year.
* Smoke weed. Move to Canada. Get crushed on return to NFL.
* In first interview after exchanging the Cubs presidency for the Blackhawks presidency, state “After guiding the stretch run to 99 years of losses, I’m looking forward to extending the Blackhawks from 47 years and beyond.”
* Give Ozzie Guillen a contract extension.
* Complain about the size of Jimmy Dean’s sausage.
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Giants at Bears
Storyline: The Giants don’t want to shit their pants. The Bears hope that everybody and their mothers shit their pants.
Reality: After their loss to the Vikings, it appears the Giants slipped on the rug on the way to the bathroom. They continue with shitty pants.
Pick: Chicago Plus 2, Over 41.5 Points Scored
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Sugar in the Blue and Orange Kool-Aid: 15%
Recommended Sugar in the Blue and Orange Kool-Aid: <1% – For more Emery, see the Kool-Aid archive, and the Over/Under archive. Emery accepts comments from Bears fans reluctantly and everyone else tolerably.
Posted on November 29, 2007