By Eric Emery
There’s one weekend every year that prevents me from watching a significant amount of football: My wedding anniversary. I admit, then, that I did not watch the Bears’ last game. I understand, though, that the Bears played like microwaved monkey turds.
I did get a chance, though, to watch Saturday Night Live last weekend. Like the Bears fan who keeps watching all the way through a four-interception performance, I believe that if I watch an entire episode of SNL, something good will eventually happen, even though it rarely does. Even if – like the Bears offensive game plan – I’m watching a rerun I already know is doomed.
That’s not all Saturday Night Live has in common with the Bears. Let’s take a look.
*
1. Both still feed off days gone by.
John Belushi equals Walter Payton, Chevy Chase equals Mike Ditka, Jim McMahon equals Joe Piscopo, and Rex Grossman equals Julia Sweeney.
2. Only one or two players worth talking about.
The rest play small roles unworthy of notice.
3. Both are only good for the first 20 minutes.
Then the Bears do something bad we’ve all seen before, just like SNL kicks into a “couple is having dinner at a restaurant” sketch.
4. Both have intermittent flashes of brilliance.
A Devin Hester return is the equivalent of “Dick in a Box.”
5. Both have leaders shown standing around without saying much.
Don’t you wish Lovie Smith and Lorne Michaels would – just once – throw up their hands and say, “Boy, this stinks!”
6. While watching each, you laugh for the wrong reasons.
At them, not with them.
7. You hardly notice when they’re not on.
At least the NFL spares us from Bears reruns on bye weeks.
–
Sugar in the Blue and Orange Kool-Aid: 25%
Recommended Sugar in the Blue and Orange Kool-Aid: 10%
–
For more Emery, see the Kool-Aid archive, and the Over/Under archive. Emery accepts comments from Bears fans reluctantly and everyone else tolerably.
Posted on November 2, 2007