By Eric Emery
Philly exhibited their two-minute “statue defense” and allowed the Bears to rally last week. To their credit, the Bears showed heart in the closing seconds of the game. Now at 3-4, the Bears are at the dreaded crossroads. Two Chicago teams met at that same crossroads earlier this year: the White Sox and the Cubs. One team went on to fail in mythic proportions. The other team went on a huge winning streak and then hung on for dear life until it failed in mythic proportions.
So the question is: Are this year’s Bears the Cubs or the White Sox? Let’s take a look.
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Cubs:
* Team starts out losing with wrong personnel; lineup changes lead the way to victory.
* Mike Brown equals Mark Prior. You know why.
* Bernard Berrian equals Michael Barrett. Neither can catch anymore.
* Kyle Orton equals Glendon Rusch. Just because.
* Cedric Benson equals Steve Trachsel. Both are too slow to the target.
* Brian Griese equals Ryan Theriot. Both saved their team’s season.
* Devin Hester has no Cubs equal.
* Like Cub fans, Bear fans start chants at odd times, as if they’ve collectively come back from the bathroom and a beer run.
* Is that an Eamus Catuli 010122 sign just outside Soldier Field?
* Lance Briggs equals Carlos Zambrano. Both talk to God.
* Greg Olsen equals Mike Fontenot.
* Promotional radio spots mention “fun” and “excitement” but little about “winning.”
* After all, Cubs are just little Bears.
White Sox
* Team personnel overrated. General manager’s star dims.
* Mike Brown equals Scott Podsednik. You know why.
* Brian Griese equals Javier Vasquez. Second-stringers step up, but it won’t be enough.
* Cedric Benson equals Jose Contreras. (See Cedric Benson equals Steve Trachsel.)
* Offense sucks.
* Typical fan of Sox and Bears calls brother-in-law in Homewood after every loss.
* Suffering from too much recent success.
* Thomas Jones equals Aaron Rowand.
* Tampa 2 is also Ozzie’s favorite defense.
* Bears secondary resembles Sox bullpen. Fully capable of blowing leads every week.
* Ron Rivera equals Razor Shines.
* Both looking up at Detroit and Minnesota.
* Promotional radio spots mention “fun” and “excitement” but little about “winning.”
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Either way, the end of the road comes with a failure of mythic proportions.
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Lions at Bears
Here’s the thing about a crossroad: You always see it coming. The Lions crushed the Bears earlier this year, but that happened in Detroit. The Lions play football like housecats: They play well in the confines of their own homes, but not that good when you shove them in a car to go to Aunt Bea’s house for the week. To carry out the analogy, the Lions crawl under the bed in Aunt Bea’s guest room and stay there.
Pick: Chicago minus 5, Over 44 Points Scored.
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Sugar in the Blue and Orange Kool-Aid: 50%
Recommended Sugar in the Blue and Orange Kool-Aid: 35%
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For more Emery, see the Kool-Aid archive, and the Over/Under archive. Emery accepts comments from Bears fans reluctantly and everyone else tolerably.
Posted on October 26, 2007