By Eric Emery
We arrived at my in-law’s on Christmas Day to the smell of roughly seven different appetizers. I know this sounds like a cliche, but in this Italian household we spend a good amount of time eating and drinking. It should be noted my in-laws are not the fake Italians who eat at Olive Garden and profess their love of the movie “Rocky.” Almost all of my wife’s relatives grew up in Italy and emigrated to America later in life.
Since many of the younger folks speak only English or limited Italian, and the older folks speak a Sicilian-Italian dialect, communication becomes difficult at times. And my father-in-law is a man of few words. But on holidays, he shines. It’s tradition to toast each other through rhymes. Called “brindisi,” a person makes a toast to another, using their name in the three-line rhyme. Sometimes heart-felt or funny, the “brindisi” ends with you drinking alcohol.
Without a doubt, my father-in-law is the champion of the “brindisi.” On most holidays, my father-in-law breaks out two or three. This year, my brother-in-law busted out a few. All of a sudden, the “brindisi” turned into one big drinking game where everybody tried to out-do each other.
Finally, after four hours, a couple folks started stumbling around. Before we all passed out, we quit the “brindisi” to open presents. Being in the holiday spirit, the experience inspired me to write some “brindisi” toasts for the Bears
1. Every season after the next
Da Bears choke in the playoffs
You can expect the same with Rex
2. Da Bears field many navy blue knockers
Injuries plaque the defense one after the other
Perhaps they can clone ten more Urlachers
3. “Don’t worry, don’t have any fits
Never frown or speak critically”
Is that Dusty or Lovie Smith?
4. ‘Round here there’s a defensive boss
The Tampa Two is his only call
Rivera’s ready for a home playoff loss.
5. When we could be playing better
Can we give the ball thirty times
To rookie Devin Hester?
6. I’ll teach you a lesson
I’m the best running back
Signed Cedric Benson
7. Here is something you can take to the bank
Six guns near children plus trip to a club
Clearly not the brightest choices by Tank.
8.We are good there is no reason to fold
When the O always stalls at the thirty
We’ll kick a field goal with Robbie Gould
9. Drew Barrymore, Dakota Fanning
My first name is a man’s name
Yours truly, Danieal Manning.
10. It’s not hard it’s quite easy
To get a playoff win
You put in Brian Griese
Green Bay at Chicago (Sunday Night)
Pick your favorite pre-game hype:
A) The Cinderella Packers look to find win and make the playoffs. The wicked stepsisters want to make Brett Favre to return to the farm for the rest of the year.
B) Is this Brett Favre’s last game? Huh? Wanna know? Well, I want to be on tape asking the question just in case it’s archived in the Hall of Fame.
C) Packers coach Mike McCarthy might actually know what he is doing.
D) Will this be the last win of the season for the Bears?
Last time these teams tangled late when the Bears had home field advantage, the Bears won by a touchdown. This time around, the Packers need a win and a Giants loss to make the playoffs. There are other convoluted possibilities, but by Sunday night, chances are high this game is meaningless. On the other hand, I’m going with the theory that the Bears have trouble with defenses that are decent against the run and when the weather is cold. Sunday night we have both.
And, I’m still dying to say, “I told you so.”
Pick: Green Bay plus 3/Over 38
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For Bears win:
Sugar in the Blue and Orange Kool-Aid: 80%
Recommended sugar in the Blue and Orange Kool-Aid: 65%
Sugar in the Super Bowl pitcher: 75%
Recommended sugar in the Super Bowl pitcher: 30%
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For more Emery, see the Kool-Aid archive, and the Over/Under archive. He can be contacted at Eric_Emery12345@yahoo.com.
Posted on December 28, 2006