Chicago - A message from the station manager

The Blue & Orange Kool-Aid Report

By Eric Emery
Lesson learned.
For even I had drunk from the Pimp Cup of Culterdom, the Holy Kool-Aid Grail promising deliverance from the wilderness.
Seemed like a good idea at the time.

TrackNotes:

  • Fake Plastic Dirt
  • I won’t make the same mistake twice. Here’s what the Bears will have to do to make me regain interest in their season.
    * Jay Cutler is arrested for beating up a cab driver over 10 cents, making him twice as nuts as Patrick Kane.
    * Brian Urlacher is caught playing softball with Carlos Zambrano; blames the media for ensuing uproar.
    * Lovie Smith develops a third expression to “The slight smirk because things aren’t looking good” and “Holy shit I don’t know what I’m doing.” This one will be called “Who the hell is calling these plays?”


    * Devin Hester adds a cape to his uniform.
    * Nate Vasher unhooks the plow behind him so he can actually cover somebody.
    * Matt Forte earns his doctorate in genetics, clones himself, and uses his clones to run the ball after he gets tired.
    * Tommie Harris does at least one thing in a game that gets a mention from the announcers outside of “Is Tommie Harris playing today?”
    * Patrick Mannelly shuts down his Long Snapper website to start FakeKicksI’llNeverCallAgain.com.

    Steelers at Bears
    Storyline: Both teams represent blue-collar cities. Both teams have a blue-collar work ethic. Both cities like fatty food.
    Reality: It is no longer the 70s.
    Prediction: Steelers Minus 3, Under 38 Points Scored
    *
    Sugar in the Blue and Orange Kool-Aid: 55%
    Recommended Sugar in the Blue and Orange Kool-Aid: So little, the FDA would not require you to disclose it as an ingredient on the packaging.

    For more Emery, please see the Blue & Orange Kool-Aid Report archives and the Over/Under collection. He welcomes your comments.

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    Posted on September 18, 2009