By Carl Mohrbacher
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!
With Patrick Mannelly moved to the IR, the Bears’ chances of a deep playoff run are finished. The team will play out the string with Bobby Nohnayme, Andy A. Nonimus or some special teams imposter heaving the ball between their legs to Adam Podlesh.
We can only hope that the Broncos cut their backup long snapper and none of the 28 teams in front of the Bears in the waiver order take action.
Thumb and Thumber
While it’s something of a holiday bummer that Jay Cutler may be on the shelf for awhile, try and look at the bright side: The injury sets up a storybook return.
There’s a real chance that No. 6 will heal just in time to spring majestically from a proverbial box beneath the tree like a disinterested Christmas stripper and lead the Bears to an impressive 34-28 loss to the Packers on December 25th.
Black Hole
Here’s a fun drinking game:
Google “Raiders Fans” and take a shot for every image that does not feature a black dude (I specify “dude” because Tina Turner doesn’t count).
Congratulations: you’re about to get to f-d up.
For those of you who’ve been to Oakland, or even just Googled “michael moore occupy wall street,” this may come as a surprise.
This doesn’t happen when you search for “Falcons fans,” so what’s the takeaway from this statistical anomaly?
Don’t ever mess with white people in Oakland. They organize well and they’re all out of their goddamn mind.
Thanks For America, Assholes!
We’d be remiss if we didn’t pass along Thanksgiving wishes to all of our family, friends and the proud native people that European explorers stole this land from Jesus.
Even Raider fans are getting in the spirit!
Kool-Aid (4 Out Of 5 Of Half-Full Glasses Of Delicious Oakland Tap Water)
Assuming it isn’t 2005, Carson Palmer and the Raider passing attack shouldn’t give the Bear D too much trouble. But assuming it isn’t the 2010 NFC Championship Game, Caleb Hanie shouldn’t tear up the Oakland secondary either.
Over/Under for combined INTs is 5.5; Over/Under for combined rushing yards is 400.
Bears 17, Raiders 10
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Comments welcome.
Posted on November 24, 2011