Our Guide to the NCAAs/By Natasha Julius
THE SIXTH ROUND: Otherwise known as The NCAA Championship Game, Which Is Already Anti-Climactic Both Because Most Pool Winners Have Already Been Determined And Because It’s Not Nearly As Much Fun Watching A Single College Basketball Game As Tracking A Bracketful Of Picks.
UCLA vs. Florida
Both teams have been in imperious form since the Elite Eight, knocking out the top seeds in their respective brackets and posting double-digits wins in the Final Four. Going by seeding alone, UCLA has had the more impressive run, dispatching #3 and #4 teams to Florida’s two #11s. Of course, if we went by seeding alone Duke would be facing UConn right now.
Bruin Notes: UCLA played superb defense against Final Four opponent LSU, although they were helped by extremely poor free-throw shooting on the part of the Tigers. Luc Richard Mbah a Moute gave the team an explosive scoring ability that had been conspicuously absent in earlier rounds. The Bruins are hurting, however. Comically humongous senior Ryan Hollins, a major presence on the boards, is nursing a thigh bruise and logged only 17 minutes in the last game.
Gator Notes: Their Final Four tilt with over-matched George Mason was not so much a win as an outpatient surgery. Florida denied the Patriots their bread-and-butter three-point shots and dominated the offensive glass, frequently getting third and fourth looks at the basket. This team is composed entirely of gangly freaks with Dsungaripterus wingspans. Al Horford could probably slap me upside the head all the way from Indianapolis if he didn’t like my bracket picks.
The Match-Up: This final boasts many of the major themes of the tournament. Strict defense versus explosive offense, size versus grit, veteran leadership versus youthful bravado. It’s going to come down to the intangibles. Billy Donovan’s hair versus Ben Howland’s Zoom whitening; Jordan Farmar’s ears versus Joakim Noah’s pornstache.
The Pick: I fully believe Ben Howland could kick Billy’s Donovan’s runty little ass in a street fight. Seriously, dude is like four feet tall. However, I have seen the power of the Noah Stache and it is formidable. That stache could eat Adam Morrison for breakfast. Live the Stache. Love the Stache. Pick the Gators.
THE FIFTH ROUND: Otherwise known as the Final Four.
ATLANTA/OAKLAND REGIONAL MEET-UP
UCLA vs. LSU
By almost every established Beachwood prediction standard, this race is too close to call. First off, both state colleges include the names of actual states. The coolest names on each team (Luc-Richard Mbah a Moute for UCLA; Magnum Rolle for LSU) are ridiculously awesome. And while you might present me compelling evidence that even a small bear would rip a tiger to pieces, until I actually a grizzly flossing its teeth with a tiger’s whisker I’m going to believe the showdown would end in a draw. So for the second time during this year’s NCAA tournament I’m going to the ultimate tie-breaker: School colors. This Final Four match-up will come down to the blue of the Bruins vs. the purple of the bayou Bengals.
I’ll level with you, I like both colors. Who wouldn’t like blue? It’s the color the sky is on a sunny day. No offense to the mighty Chicago River, but it’s the color water ideally ought to be. Blue is one of the primary colors. Heck, you can’t even make purple without blue. On the other hand, purple is the color of royalty and excess. Millions of tiny mollusks lost their lives in ancient times to make the dye for Caesar’s robes. You can’t turn your back on that kind of history.
The pick: It’s a close one, but given that blue has the longer wavelength I’m going to give the nod to UCLA. Besides, I can’t take anymore Big Baby references.
WASHINGTON, D.C./MINNEAPOLIS REGIONAL MEET-UP
Florida vs. George Mason
Everything here points to a Florida win. As a team, they’re easily playing the best ball of any of Final Four team. They have by-and-large drubbed their opponents; their average margin of victory in the tourney is 16 points (compared to the six point average margin for George Mason). There’s no doubt George Mason was a true patriot, and very probably armed, but an alligator could waste him without breaking a sweat. Have you seen the kind of pants George Mason had to wear? Yeah, good luck running away from a swamp critter in those.
But then, how do you pick against the team that has consistently confounded all our expectations? How do you turn your back on those amazing performances against Michigan State, North Carolina and UConn? And oh yeah, two words: Tony Skinn. Every time the Patriots play a game, a nascent porn star gets his screen name.
The pick: TONY SKINN! I have to go with George Mason.
FOURTH ROUND: Popularly known as The Elite Eight. But not as popularly as The Sweet 16 or Final Four. Rumor has it heads rolled in marketing. And yet, nobody’s come up with anything better.
ATLANTA REGIONAL
#2 Texas vs. #4 LSU
Texas’s Road So Far: Survived a testy encounter with surprisingly feisty #15 Penn in the first round; had a considerably easier time downing #10 North Carolina State in the Dirty 32. Kenton Paulino’s last-second Pittsnogling of #6 West Virginia made that showdown the game of the Sweet 16 for roughly three minutes until UCLA drove a stake into Adam Morrison’s heart.
LSU’s Road So Far: Pantsed, spanked, and atomic-wedgied the disappointing #13 Iona Gaels in the first round, but found themselves in need of a last-second three pointer to vanquish #12 Texas A&M. Became the bane of casual office gamblers everywhere by knocking off #1 Duke. J.J. Redick wasn’t the only one in tears.
The Match-Up: Texas is the more veteran side, boasting a host of talented upperclassmen lead by LaMarcus Aldridge. LSU relies more on the exuberant play of their kiddie corps and the physical presence of megaton man-child Glen Davis. Can the Tigers bust both ends of this bracket, or will the much-fancied Longhorns win through to the Final Four?
Beachwood Analysis: You know, I’m really more of a cat person than a cattle person, so it’s all about LSU for me.
OAKLAND REGIONAL
#1 Memphis vs. #2 UCLA
Memphis’s Road So Far: Made us all feel a little naughty by giving #16 Oral Roberts a Dirty Sanchez in the first round. Delivered a stealthy knee to #9 Bucknell’s manhood in the second round. Finally put the #13 Bradley Braves out of everyone’s misery in a straight-forward Sweet 16 romp.
UCLA’s Road So Far: Sleepwalked through the first half of their game against #16 Belmont before coasting to the easy victory. Had more than a few nervous moments before seeing off #10 Alabama. Rose from the dead on several occasions during a down-right transcendental Sweet 16 tilt with #3 Gonzaga.
The Match-Up: These teams did meet during the regular season, with Memphis notching an 88-80 victory on their home court. Both teams are young and hungry, with the Tigers arguably boasting more consistent talent up and down the lineup and the Bruins more flashy individual players.
Beachwood Analysis: I saw that movie Grizzly Man and it seriously scared the shit out of me. No way am I backing the Bruins. They’ll turn on you, man . . .
WASHINGTON, D.C. REGIONAL
#1 UConn vs. #11 George Mason
UConn’s Road So Far: Everyone’s no-brainer to walk into the championship game dug themselves a double-digit hole against #16 Albany in the first round before securing a win. Didn’t exactly shake the rust off in convincing fashion against #8 Kentucky either. Took advantage of mounting foul attrition to best #5 Washington in overtime in another Sweet 16 classic.
George Mason’s Road So Far: Began the shameful exposure of Emperor Big Ten’s lack of clothing against #6 Michigan State in the first round. Gutted out a solid win over #3 UNC in the second round. Found absolutely nothing shocking whatsoever about #7 Wichita State in one of the few authoritative Sweet 16 victories.
The Match-Up: This isn’t so much David vs. Goliath as it is David’s shoe versus Goliath’s big brother. George Mason has shown remarkable poise and has the veteran leadership of the inimitable Tony Skinn, but who are we kidding? The Huskies are built like Dolph Lundgren and this ain’t no Rocky IV.
Beachwood Analysis: Goliath’s big brother.
MINNEAPOLIS REGIONAL
#1 Villanova vs. #3 Florida
Villanova’s Road So Far: #16 Mouth may have eaten Ham, but they didn’t have the stomach to take out the Wildcats in the first round. The second round saw a tighter contest against #8 Arizona, and the Sweet 16 saw ‘Nova stretched to the limit in an overtime shoot-out with #5 Boston College.
Florida’s Road So Far: Tripped up #14 South Alabama in the first round; knee-capped #11 Wisconsin-Milwaukee in the second round; sucker-punched #7 Georgetown in the Sweet 16.
The Match-Up: Much like Texas/LSU, this contest features a veteran high seed versus a young and hungry lower seed. The selection of Villanova as a #1 seed raised a few eyebrows back on Selection Sunday, but they have played well enough to justify their favored status. Billy Donovan’s Gators have arrived a year ahead of schedule.
Beachwood Analysis: I’ve picked cats and dogs this whole time and I really see no reason to stop with the potential family pet theme. I know, a bunch of people in Manhattan bought baby alligators for their kids back in the 70s. But then they freaked out when the slimy little things grew nasty and they took it out on the gators by flushing them down the toilet. And rumor has it all the flushies formed an albino alligator colony in the New York sewer system and that they take out a couple of streets and sanitation workers every year. And this sad story, my friends, is why alligators are not good family pets, nor a Final Four team. Ride the ‘Nova.
THIRD ROUND: Popularly known as The Sweet 16, ever since the quiet settling of that copyright suit brought by the porn division of Ronco.
Skill and tenacity can see a team through to the Sweet 16, but to have a chance of moving deeper into the tournament that team also needs a lot of luck. Some might even call it destiny. For that reason, in choosing the official Beachwood Reporter picks to make the Elite Eight, I employed the tried-and-true fatetastic method of blindfolded dart throwing.
The rules for this technique are simple. Once positioned in front of a regulation dartboard at regulation distance, the thrower–in this case, me–deploys what is known as a “vision-obscurement device”–in this case, the business end of a backwards hoodie–and throws a single dart. Before each throw an impartial observer, traditionally referred to as “the bartender,” announces which match-up is being “darted” and records the results on a slip of paper. If the dart hits inside an odd-numbered section of the dartboard, the higher seed wins. Redarting is allowed only if the dart misses the board entirely or falls out.
So that my super-human powers of perception and rock-steady muscle control wouldn’t subtly influence the outcome, I consumed a moderate quantity of beer before darting. And for the safety of all around me, I was allowed to remove the vision-obscurement device to retrieve each dart and reposition myself.
Here are the results of the Beachwood Reporter Darts of Destiny.
ATLANTA REGIONAL
#1 Duke vs. #4 LSU
Most experts expect the Blue Demons to walk into the Final Four, and the darts could not agree more. An emphatic triple-13 indicates an easy passage to the next round and could signal big things to come next weekend.
#2 Texas vs. #6 West Virginia
It won’t be easy, but a nine right on the wire tells me the Longhorns will justify their high seeding.
OAKLAND REGIONAL
#1 Memphis vs. #13 Bradley
Oh, Bradley. Man, you were a great little story while you lasted. At first, I really didn’t know how to interpret the fat flipping bullseye I drained on this match-up. I don’t hit bulls very often, so this was uncharted territory for me. Once I’d gotten over the regret of all those years wasted playing darts without the backwards hoodie, “the bartender” reminded me that a single bullseye is worth 25 points. Therefore, Memphis should crush the little mid-major that could.
#2 UCLA vs. #3 Gonzaga
The first dart-determined upset of this round, a single 18 indicates that UCLA will be Gonzaga’d in most brutal fashion.
WASHINGTON, D.C. REGIONAL
#1 UConn vs. #5 Washington
I think the darts are completely out of their flighted little shafts on this one, but a solid twelve after a miss to the left gives the edge to Washington.
#7 Wichita State vs. #11 George Mason
Apparently this is the upset section of the bracket. The first dart hit for a triple 18, but fell out. Would the second dart also call for a shock of the Shockers? Absolutely. A nice, heavy four calls for a George Mason win.
MINNEAPOLIS REGIONAL
#1 Villanova vs. #4 Boston College
Boston College seems to be the fashionable pick to make the Final Four. The darts, however, are not swayed by such sentimentality. The darts remain cold, calculating and aerodynamic. And with the steel-tipped certainty of an eleven, they fully expect Villanova to prevail.
#3 Florida vs. #7 Georgetown
Yannick Noah’s kid will live to fight another day if the darts have anything to say about it. With another lucky number eleven, it looks like Florida will end the Hoyas’ run.
SECOND ROUND: The Dirty Thirty (Two)
Dedicated to Duff Gibson. Because we miss you. And everything your name invokes.
ATLANTA REGIONAL
#1 Duke vs. #9 George Washington
Best name, Duke: Martynas Pocius
Best name, George Washington: Pops Mensah-Bonsu
Pick: I’m usually a sucker for a good Lithuanian tongue twister, but from where I’m sitting the Colonials could take this whole damn tourney. Pops Mensah-Bonsu isn’t just a terrific name, it’s a way of life. Close your eyes and picture Pops and you sitting on a porch in Jamaica, lazing away a summer evening watching the sunset and drinking rum out of a coconut you casually pass between you. Isn’t Pops terrific? Don’t you just want to sit around with him and get loaded and maybe listen to some Jimmy Cliff or something? Advantage: Pops.
#4 LSU vs. #12 Texas A&M
Best name, LSU: Magnum Rolle
Best name, Texas A&M: Slade Weishuhn
Pick: In any other section of the draw, Slade would walk right into the Elite Eight. Unfortunately, he’s completely overmatched here. “Magnum Rolle”? Are you kidding me? Let’s just say I’m looking forward to his showdown with Pops in the Sweet 16.
#6 West Virginia vs. #14 Northwest State
Best name, West Virginia: Kevin Pittsnogle
Best name, Northwest State: Alfonse Dyer
Pick: Alfonse Dyer may have had enough firepower to down Kurt Looby and the rest of the dull-handled Iowa Hawkeyes, but this Cinderella story is about to be thoroughly Pittsnogled.
#2 Texas vs. #10 NC State
Best name, Texas: La Marcus Aldridge
Best name, NC State: Engin Atsur
Pick: I’d like to think that Mr. Atsur’s first name is pronounced “Engine”, but I don’t really think that’s the case. So there’s a little bit of a built-in disappointment factor for me. In the face of that, I lean toward the stately LaMarcus Aldridge.
OAKLAND REGIONAL
#1 Memphis vs. #9 Bucknell
Best name, Memphis: Waki Williams
Best name, Bucknell: Abe Badmus
Pick: When this year’s field was announced, a lot of people singled out Memphis as the most vulnerable #1 seed. Now that the dust has settled, I can see where they were coming from. Waki is undoubtedly a wicked-cool name, but line him up next to the feisty Badmus and he looks a little shaky. If we combined the strengths of both players, Waki Badmus could take a team all the way to the Final Four. Since that’s not possible, I’m giving the nod to Abe. He is a Badmus, after all.
#5 Pittsburgh vs. #13 Bradley
Best name, Pittsburgh: Antonio Graves
Best name, Bradley: Tony Bennett
Pick: The pipes are still smooth, but he’s a little long in the tooth to be playing college basketball. With all due respect to the inimitable Tony Bennett, the advantage goes to Antonio Graves.
#3 Gonzaga vs. #6 Indiana
Best name, Gonzaga: Mamery Diallo
Best name, Indiana: Marco Killingsworth
PIck: It’s hard not to be intimidated by Killingsworth and the vague threat of bodily harm implicit in his surname. Is it enough to upset a man whose given name is homophonous with boobs? Sorry, Marco, but my money’s on the tit guy.
#2 UCLA vs. #10 Alabama
Best name, UCLA: Luc Richard Mbah a Moute
Best name, Alabama: Alonzo Gee
Pick: Clearly Alonzo is shocked to find himself in the second round of the tournament, and well he should be. No one expected him to defeat the affectionate charms of Ryan Amoroso and Marquette. Earnest surprise is no match for the tripartite assault of Mbah a Moute. Individually, these names could be felled by Gee or Golly or possibly even Aw Shucks. But fused into one mellifluous unit, Mbah a Moute is unstoppable. Look for him to make a strong push toward the Final Four.
WASHINGTON, D.C. REGIONAL
#1 UConn vs. #8 Kentucky
Best name, UConn: Rudy Gay
Best name, Kentucky: Preston LeMaster
Pick: No, his first name ain’t baby. It’s Preston; Mr. LeMaster if you’re nasty. At first glance I thought the 80s pop pseudo-hard-core edge would make Preston a top contender, but there’s just something about the irrepressible Rudy Gay. You can’t say the name without smiling. It’s like a three-syllable shot of sunshine and joy. It’s the feel-good pick.
#4 Illinois vs. #5 Washington
Best name, Illinois: Chester Frazier
Best name, Washington: Zane Potter
Pick: It’s not looking good for the Illini. Sure, Chester Frazier sounds like a solid guy who would be in his element grabbing a drink at Archie Bunker’s Place. Zane Potter eats guys like that for breakfast.
#3 North Carolina vs. #11 George Mason
Best name, UNC: Surry Wood
Best name, George Mason: Tony Skinn
Pick: Surry Wood is a name rooted in the feel-good hippy rebellion of the 60s. It’s a name that shook its ass at Woodstock, followed the Dead for a few years, and eventually wound up sitting on a porch with Pops Mensah-Bonsu playing the djembe. And as much as we may love the lascivious pleasures of Tony Skinn, who could turn their back on that kind of legacy? Surry moves on to the Sweet 16.
#2 Tennessee vs. #7 Wichita State
Best name, Tennessee: Major Wingate
Best name, Wichita State: PJ Couisnard
Pick: In another lopsided affair, look for Major Wingate to majorly cuisanart Couisnard.
MINNEAPOLIS REGIONAL
#1 Villanova vs. #8 Arizona
Best name, Villanova: Baker Dunleavy
Best name, Arizona: Fendi Onobun
Pick: One man is his own fashion house, the other his own law firm. It’s going to come down to the wire in this one, but look for the affably named Baker Dunleavy to squeak through. He gets up pretty early in the morning to file those lawsuits.
#4 Boston College vs. #12 Montana
Best name, Boston College: Akida McLain
Best name, Montana: Virgil Matthews
Pick: Why are we even discussing this? Have a safe trip home, Virgil.
#3 Florida vs. #11 Wisconsin-Milwaukee
Best name, Florida: Joakim Noah
Best name, Wisconsin-Milwaukee: Boo Davis
Pick: Tread lightly, Joakim, because Boo will sneak up behind you and scare the living shit right out of you. An intoxicating mix of manly toughness and child-like exuberance, Boo Davis will live to spook opponents another round.
#2 Ohio State vs. #7 Georgetown
Best name, Ohio State: Matt Terwilliger
Best name, Georgetown: Octavius Spann
Pick: This is another close one, but I did a little research and learned that Octavius prefers to go by “Tay.” Frankly, Mr. Spann, if you’re not prepared to use every syllable your mother gave you, you don’t deserve to be here. Edge Terwilliger.
FIRST ROUND – The Sexy Sixty (Four)
ATLANTA REGIONAL
#1 Duke vs. #16 Southern
Noun trumps adjective every time. Duke advances.
#2 Texas vs. #15 Penn
Based solely on population, Texas really should overwhelm Pennsylvania. Estimates from the U.S. Census Bureau for 2004 put the number of Texans at almost 22.5 million, with just 9.9 percent aged 65 or older. Pennsylvania limps in with 12.4 million, 15.6 percent of whom are in their golden years. That, my friends, is an ass-kicking.
#3 Iowa vs. #14 Northwest State
One golden bracket rule: If you’re taking on a state school and your school has the word “state” in its name, you really need the backing of an actual state. And since I don’t recall that referendum to admit Northwest to our mighty union, the edge goes to Iowa.
#4 LSU vs. #13 Iona
As sexy as the official Iona Gael is, I still think the LSU Tiger could take him. He’s not even flexing or making a fist or anything; he’s just standing there puffing out his chest. I mean, this is a freaking tiger, dude. You gotta bring it.
#5 Syracuse vs. #12 Texas A&M
What does “A&M” stand for? And what in the hell is an Aggie? Syracuse may have the wussy adjective mascot, but Texas A&M is being awfully evasive. I don’t trust them. Take the Orangemen.
#6 West Virginia vs. #11 Southern Illinois
Starting with magnetic north, picks should be made by moving clockwise around the face of a standard compass. Unless, of course, you’re in the southern hemisphere, in which case they should be made by by moving counter-clockwise. But since we’re not in the southern hemisphere, SIU comes first.
#7 California vs. #10 NC State
It’s youth and exuberance versus old age and treachery. NC State, founded in 1889, has the age advantage on Cal, founded in 1868. But the tourney rewards the savvy veteran. Besides, one of Cal’s star players is called Leon Powe. Hee hee, “Powe!”
#8 George Washington vs. #9 UNC Wilmington
I’m not taking on the father of our nation. He’s venerable and he has wooden teeth. Take the Colonials.
OAKLAND REGIONAL
#1 Memphis vs. #16 Oral Roberts
In the battle of teams that sound like raunchy sex acts, the full-on Memphis sounds more fun than an Oral Roberts.
#2 UCLA vs. #15 Belmont
These teams are incredibly evenly-matched in the mascot department, both using the somewhat nondescript Bruin, so I’m moving to the official tiebreaker of team colors. And frankly, who does Belmont think it is taking three colors instead of the traditional two? There’s some poor Division 3B school out there wandering around with only one color because they just had to have navy blue, white, AND red. Unforgivable.
#3 Gonzaga vs. #14 Xavier
This one time my sophomore year me and my friends decided to take a healthful approach to substance abuse, so we made Southern Comfort smoothies. Basically, you took a fifth of SoCo, three bananas, a few liberal drizzles of honey, some yogurt, a handful of raspberries, a little ice, some Coke for that extra little kick, orange juice and half a lime, threw it all in a blender, poured it into a pint glass and, while available, topped it with some Redi-Whip. It looked a lot like vomit and tasted a lot like the milk that’s left at the bottom of a bowl of Lucky Charms. I’m pretty sure we all Gonzaga’d after downing a few and, dude, it was awesome.
#4 Kansas vs. #13 Bradley
Kansas has “an ass” in it. Bradley has “lead.” Which would you rather shake out on the dance floor? Take the Jayhawks.
#5 Pittsburgh vs. #12 Kent State
Pitt plays at the John M. and Gertrude E. Petersen Events Center. Um . . . yawn. I’m not saying Kent State’s Memorial Athletic and Convocation Center is much better, but at least no one paid to put their name on it. Take Kent State.
#6 Indiana vs. #11 San Diego State
See Iowa vs. Northwest State.
#7 Marquette vs. #10 Alabama
It’s a close call, but the exotic “Q” affords Marquette a slightly higher Scrabble score potential. Go with the Golden Eagles.
#8 Arkansas vs. #9 Bucknell
In this most virile, masculine sporting event, the edge goes to the school with the more virile, masculine name. And they don’t come much more strapping and macho than Bucknell.
WASHINGTON, D.C. REGIONAL
#1 Connecticut vs. #16 Albany
Dude, my 81-year-old grandmother thinks UConn is gonna win the whole thing. Besides, I love that their nickname sounds all rugged and Canadian, like, “UConn ho!” That cracks me up.
#2 Tennessee vs. #15 Winthrop
Winthrop comes right out and tells you exactly what they’re going to do. They’re going to win and then they’re going to throp. And that kind of pride always goes before a fall. Take Tennessee.
#3 UNC vs. #14 Murray State
See Indiana vs. San Diego State.
#4 Illinois vs. #13 Air Force
It seems like the Air Force really ought to be a little preoccupied right now, so take the Illini.
#5 Washington vs. #12 Utah State
OK, so apparently an Aggie is a really angry pig-like thing with its arms crossed in vaguely threatening fashion. But seriously, I still don’t care. Take the Huskies.
#6 Michigan State vs. #11 George Mason
George Mason? You, sir, are no George Washington. The Spartans shall prevail.
#7 Wichita State vs. #10 Seton Hall
I’m really hoping the Wichita State Shockers live up to their reputation and play the entire game naked. That would certainly shock me. And Seton Hall.
#8 Kentucky vs. #9 Alabama-Birmingham
I have family in Kentucky. And they know where I live. So, go Wildcats!
MINNEAPOLIS REGIONAL
The play-in game:
Monmouth vs. Hampton
In this expanded dance-mix version of Rock/Paper/Scissors, Mouth eats Ham. That’s a shame, really, because Ham would easily top Ova in the tournament proper.
#1 Villanova vs. #16 Monmouth/Hampton
I know I hinted that Ham would top Ova, but who am I kidding? Either team is toast.
#2 Ohio State vs. #15 Davidson
Who? Yeah, exactly. No way is Davidson going to bust The Nut.
#3 Florida vs. #14 Southern Alabama
Florida made it through the most recent hurricane season in slightly better shape than southern Alabama, so they should have slightly more firepower.
#4 Boston College vs. #13 Pacific
I deeply admire the beauty and majesty of the Pacific Ocean, but I’ve seen it try to set a pick and roll and it wasn’t pretty. Take BC.
#5 Nevada vs. #12 Montana
Montana has many head of potentially mad cattle. Nevada has many head of half-dead gamblers. Go with the beef.
#6 Oklahoma vs. #11 Wisconsin-Milwaukee
You know how it says on all the Oklahoma license plates, “Oklahoma is OK”? I love that. Seriously, guys, it’s like that’s their thing. They’re OK. Sometimes that seems a little goofy, sometimes kinda sad, but most of the time it’s like, thumb’s up, Oklahoma! Take Oklahoma. They’re OK!
#7 Georgetown vs. #10 Northern Iowa
Georgetown anagrams to “Note egg row” which reminds me that I already picked one team based on their egginess. Any more egg would not be good for the Minneapolis regional’s cholesterol. Take Northern Iowa.
#8 Arizona vs. #9 Wisconsin
As the proud descendant of hearty British stock, I still haven’t forgiven Arizona for making off with the original London Bridge. So I’m going with the Dairy State on this one.
Posted on April 2, 2006