What a week! In the immortal words of Flounder from Animal House, “Isn’t this great?” Indeed, this is a Cub fan’s dream isn’t it? Sure, the real dream is to win the World Series but you have to be soaking this up. Memorable last two weeks of the season don’t happen much around here, so let’s take in all this race has to offer.
That said, this run isn’t for the faint of heart. Oh no, this is life/death, they suck/they’re great, I love them/I hate them baseball on most every pitch. With this in mind, we here at The Cub Factor would like to offer some “things to do” to help cope with the potentially gut-wrenching final weeks. Sure they’re sitting pretty right now, but do you think it’s going to be smooth sailing the rest of the way? Have you not learned anything in your lifetime? These are the Cubs. The lovable – and not so much – losers, remember? So here are a few coping aids to keep you this side of sane.
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Start smoking. The Cubs’ inevitable defeat is probably going to kill you anyway.
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Date someone horribly wrong for you. All the brutal relationship issues will take your mind off the Cubs.
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Become a White Sox fan. Good seats still available for the final homestand.

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Posted on September 24, 2007

By Marty Gangler

Last week we likened the 2007 Cubs to the remake of the horror classic Halloween, but this week we think we’ve been thinking about the rollercoaster they’re going to build at Great America in Gurnee called The 2007 Cubs. Featuring:
The Soriano Slinger: Your car immediately climbs the most expensive section of track to its highest point and then sends you careening toward Earth, which is a thrill but seems a bit early for such dramatics. Park engineers are still debating whether to move this segment to the middle of the ride.
Ryan’s Runway: This is the old-fashioned part of the track that scrapes and scratches its way into position for the big arcs and loops that follow. Traditionally, this would be the start of the ride.
The Derrek Loop-Lee-Loop: This part of the ride is really well-oiled but only has enough power to barely get the cars through the loop.

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Posted on September 17, 2007

By Marty Gangler

Watching the Cubs try to blow the season this week got me thinking about the 2004 season and how the Cubs blew that one down the stretch too. It’s like, “I’ve seen this movie before.” Which got me thinking about a movie I just saw which was “new” but essentially still the same. This week I was roped into seeing the remake of the horror “classic” Halloween. I think you see where I’m going with this. Let’s take a look.
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1. The movie’s franchise player is a violent psychopath. Just like the Cubs’ franchise player.
2. The same scenes unfold grotesquely in sequel after sequel. For both franchises.
3. Michael Myers never gets better but his corporate owners reap millions in profits from his failures. Sound familiar?

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Posted on September 10, 2007

By Marty Gangler

The Cubs continue to be in first place and I believe that they will finish up this season on top. So what does that mean to Cub fans? Well, it means meaningful games in September and must-see playoff baseball in October, and that doesn’t happen much around here. And with playoff baseball comes the hard thinking about where to watch the game. You could try to get tickets and go to the game, but that is hard to do. You could watch it at home (or at a friend’s house) with amenities like cheap beer, relatively clean bathrooms, and corn chips at your disposal. Or you could watch it out in one of the bevy of drinking establishments this great city has to offer.
For the sake of argument, let’s say you want to go out to the neighborhood corner tavern (they still have those, right?) Now, what are you going to wear? If you are a Cub fan of any significance you probably have at least one team T-shirt, sweatshirt, jacket or jersey. But what if you have more than one? What to do then? Decisions, decisions. It’s not like you can wear that shirt that you wore the last time they won the World Series. Back in 1908 you probably loomed a “C” on your own clothes. Okay, you probably didn’t loom your own clothes in 1908, but I’m not that into history and the point is you have to make a decision. The problem is, you are probably going to go with your most expensive piece of Cubness, and that would probably be a jersey – if you have one. And then, the problem with the jersey is that it’s probably a Sammy Sosa jersey that you bought in 2002. Or that Prior jersey you bought in 2003. Or maybe a Garciaparra or a Pierre. These guys aren’t on the team anymore (or in Prior’s case anywhere near the active roster ) and more than that they carry some baggage. It’s hard to look cool when you are going into the restroom in between innings with your 2001 Kerry Wood jersey when someone across the bar yells, “Hey Woody, don’t slip and fall getting off the throne in there!” It’s not the funniest thing in the world to say, but it might get some laughs at the bar and do you want to be the guy getting laughed at?
So what to do?

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Posted on September 4, 2007

By Marty Gangler

As Chicago was getting pummeled with wave after wave of unending rain, we here at The Cub Factor wondered how players waiting out rain delays occupied their time in the clubhouse. It can’t all be card games and exchanging hot investment tips. Here’s our best guess:
* After helping the groundskeepers with the tarp, Mark DeRosa goes inside to collect towels for the dryer, start a couple pots of coffee, change everyone’s dinner reservations, and then heads up to the WGN booth to help Len and Bob kill time.
* Cliff Floyd regales the youngsters Ryan Theriot and Mike Fontenot about his favorite stints on the DL. Then he gets hurt getting out of the rocking chair.
* Jacque Jones plays cards with Lou Piniella, but Lou only lets him in the pot when he has a good hand. Lou sits in a lawn chair while he plays and drinks Falstaff.

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Posted on August 27, 2007

By Marty Gangler

These are dangerous times for Cubs fans not used to following a first-place team, and we see danger signs ahead. Here are a few helpful hints that will save you from embarrassment both now and for the rest of your lives.
* Don’t demand the first-place discount at Al Piemonte Ford, the Cubby Bear batting cages, or the Cook County Assessor’s Office. You can, however, ask for it at home from your spouse.
* Do not name your new twin boys Len & Bob. Mike & Ryan are acceptable.
* Do not pull out that old Todd Hundley jersey to wear on Casual Friday. A Randall Simon jersey, however, would make you the coolest cat in the office.

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Posted on August 20, 2007

By Marty Gangler

The Cubs are in a dog fight (and I mean that in the fighter pilot way not the Michael Vick way) for supremacy in the National League Central division. This oughta be fun, right? So why am I nostalgic for the days when Carlos Zambrano was introducing Michael Barrett to his fists and Derrek Lee was punching air like a girl and Lou Piniella was one passed ball away from a major cardiac event? Sure it was fun when the team started to win, but now that they’ve settled into an incredibly mediocre pennant race, it’s just getting frustrating. Here are few scenarios we’d like to see in the upcoming weeks to spice things up.
* Kerry Wood falls out of another hot tub but this time after he falls out he falls into a well.
* Mark DeRosa starts helping out in the bullpen too.
* The subprime lending market crisis claims Wrigley Field. They can continue playing there, but only if they become the Chase Bank Cubs.

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Posted on August 13, 2007

By Marty Gangler

The Chicago Cubs last won the World Series in 1908. That was 99 years ago. Last week we lost a Cubs fan who was around for 92 of those 99 years. Papa, my grandfather, died this week without ever seeing the Cubs win the World Series. But that never seemed to bother him. He never turned the game off, never stopped following the team, never stopped going on the road to see them play. I can’t even remember Papa ever complaining all that much about Cubs management. He was just a fan.

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Posted on August 6, 2007

By Marty Gangler

Cubs fans may be feeling a bit giddy these days, but after a thorough analysis by the research staff here at The Cub Factor, we have determined that there is still plenty to worry about. To wit:
* The Cubs still have too many second basemen.
* Traffic. It keeps getting worse, doesn’t it?
* Taxes. They keep going up, don’t they?
* Alfonso Soriano. He still doesn’t make enough consistent contact as a leadoff man.
* Gas Prices. On top of the taxes, and then you’re just idling in traffic . . .
* Fat. You just keep gaining weight, don’t you? And then you’re just sitting in traffic all that time . . .
* Jim Hendry. This is so no longer his team. But he still has the power to ruin it.

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Posted on July 30, 2007

By Marty Gangler

I’d like to tell you that this Cub team is going to blow it but I can’t. I’d like to explain how this team is not equipped to play winning baseball in the National League but I can’t. I’d like to , though.
Because even a cynical “fan” can see that this incarnation of the Cubs has transformed from pretender to contender. Sure, it’s not the same as transforming a semi-truck into a robot, but it will still be interesting summer viewing. Lou Pinella has this roster and team under control and the Cubs will overtake the (still in) first place Milwaukee Brewers by the end of August. Yeah, I said it, so what?
Yes, they have some shortcomings, sure, but at this point you have to believe that they’ll try to shore those up before the trading deadline. This roster has been shaken more than a crying baby at Applebees, and it still hasn’t stopped crying. And yes, they’ve actually lost two in a row – which suddenly seems shocking. But this team is like the roast beef sandwich at IHOP: on a roll.
With all of this in mind, we here at The Cub Factor would like to tell the cynical Cub fan to really believe again in this team. And while we’re at it, here are some other things you should start believing in again.

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Posted on July 23, 2007