By Jim Coffman
Ludicrously enough, we have to scramble at this point to think of ways to upgrade Chicago’s baseball banner-carriers. But scramble we must, if for no other reason than to prop up competitive conversation in this town.
Simultaneously in first place at the All-Star break for the second time in 70-plus years of All-Star breaks, these teams are killing local sports talk (over-the-air and online) franchises. There has been a precipitous drop in submissions to these forums, what with so few “the coach/manager is an idiot” assertions in the air (fortunately Bears training camp is only a month away and they sucked last year, right? Why does Lovie still have a job?). There is even a distinct lack of “of course they should trade the bum” choruses (although there are plenty of loud, individual voices).
Fortunately, we’ve had a little extra time this week to come up with a comprehensive list of sort-of solutions for what almost ails the Cubs and Sox.
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If the fans could trade anyone on either of these teams, it isn’t tough to figure out who it would be. Sure, he has shown over his career that he is more than capable of putting up 20 home runs in a half-season even if he’s struggled in the other half, but you’d have to be a moron not to realize that Paulie must go!
And while we’re talking about Mr. Konerko, couldn’t modern technology help him run just a little bit faster? Because if he had some sort of specialized springs in his shoes and could therefore beat out just one double-play ground ball during his White Sox career, perhaps fans might be willing to cut him a smidge of slack. Yes, I’m kind of having it both ways here. While I realize it would be stupid to give up on Konerko at this point (not that they can – his contract is untrade-able and ensures he won’t be released for at least another couple seasons), he can be such an aggravating player, even in games that aren’t as obviously bad as Sunday’s.
That was when Konerko capped off a teeth-gnashing 0-for-6 performance (while all around him teammates were piling up hits to the tune of 22 total), by striking out looking for the last out of the game. That dropped Paulie’s batting average to .217. On the other hand (here I go again), I will say I thought Joe Cowley’s assessment of the final at-bat in the Sun-Times was a bit harsh.
Konerko’s big failing at the end happened on the 3-1 pitch, i.e. the one before he struck out and the one hitters are supposed to have the best chance to kill. He swung at and missed a left-handed breaking ball that started over the plate and then broke way inside. The problem with killing him for doing that was that Ranger pitcher C.J. Wilson was pitching in the bright, late-afternoon sunshine in Arlington, Texas, at that point while Konerko was in the shade. There was no way Konerko, expecting a fastball, saw the spin on the ball (just as Jim Thome didn’t see the spin on the belly-high curveball that was called strike three in the previous at-bat).
Folks were ready to dump Thome too, but he’s pumped his batting average all the way to a kind-of respectable .253 at the break. Still, I think we’re going to require Mr. Thome to lay down at least a half-dozen bunts against the ridiculous defensive shifts teams so frequently employ against him. I know his game is power but come on! They’re practically playing the third baseman on the right side of second base! Get a bunt past the pitcher on the left side and it might be a double, Jimmy!
And then there are Jose Contreras’s struggles . . . and I don’t really know what to say other than, well, what do you expect from a 50-year-old pitcher? “That’s not how old he is,” you say? “You’re right,” I reply. “What do you expect from a 55-year-old pitcher?”
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On the other side of town, what is to be done about Carlos Marmol? Sure, he leads all major league relievers in strikeouts (by a lot), but he stunk in that potentially pivotal game with the Giants on Saturday (the Cubs’ Central Division lead would have fallen to only four games in the loss column if they hadn’t miraculously found a way to overcome his brazen ineptitude!). And before that he had a bunch of outings in a row where he didn’t even strike out the side once! And sure, Lou Pinella has used him in all but one of the Cubs’ wins so far, but overuse is not an excuse (that has a nice ring to it doesn’t it?). Carlos just needs to take a nice vacation over the All-Star break . . . kick back and don’t even think about baseball . . . what’s that? Marmol has been added to the NL All-Star squad? Uh-oh.
And while we’re at it, what is to be done about Ryan Dempster’s inability to win on the road? Sure, he pitched seven great innings in San Francisco a week before the break and left with a three-run lead, but he didn’t get the win, did he? Who blew that game again? Oh yeah, Marmol! OK, OK, so Marmol didn’t technically blow it. He allowed the Giants to tie it and Mighty Mike Fontenot (he has seven home runs in 143 at-bats and I’m not sure he’s bigger than my nine-year-old son – how is that possible?) hit a late solo shot to win it. Dempster also blew his best chance to win a road game – i.e. the one he started in Chicago (during the Crosstown Classic).
The solution may be to trick him into thinking he’s pitching at home when he’s on the mound in, say, Milwaukee. This will involve extensive blindfolding (try to pretend it’s a form of hazing – Dempster isn’t a rookie, of course, but he’s a rookie in the Cubs starting rotation) and even blinders (if it works for horses, why not pitchers?), but I think Dempster’s Cub teammates are up to the task.
Finally, there is the fact that whittle baby Kosuke Fukudome is apparently running out of gas. Playing 80 or so baseball games so far has apparently taxed him to no end and his batting average had dipped below .280 at the end of Sunday’s game. Generally I don’t bring up guys’ contracts when I’m criticizing them. The bottom line is that if a guy deserves criticism, I’ll let him have it regardless of how much he makes. But in this case I’ll make an exception.
Hey Kosuke, for the $13 million or so you’re making this year in the first year of a $50 million-plus contract, suck it up, take tons of extra batting practice and get yourself going. You’ve been pathetic for weeks now.
There. I feel much better and I hope the listeners at home and the readers in the chat rooms feel the same.
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Jim Coffman brings you SportsMonday every Monday, except on the rare occasion when he brings it to you on Tuesday. That’s when we call it SportsTuesday.
Posted on July 15, 2008