By Eric Emery

Since my other column is titled, Over/Under, here are some Bears-related lines I should have devised before last week’s games:
Detroit at Chicago:
Over/Under: 150 1/2. Number of Urlacher jerseys at the neighborhood Buffalo Wild Wings on Sunday.
Over/Under: 1/2. Number of guys in Roy Williams jerseys who believe they made the right wardrobe choice on Sunday.
Over/Under: 2 1/2. For the three offensive plays I will hear on the radio leaving me muttering “Lighten up, Francis” when Jeff Joniak calls the three massive three-yard runs by Thomas Jones.

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Posted on September 21, 2006

By Eric Emery

It’s hard to be funny when you are angry. But I will try.
Let’s start with the good news. Pittsburgh/Jacksonville was exciting if you enjoyed watching a team getting beat down like a rented mule. Washington/Dallas was never close, but for two different reasons than I expected. Special thanks to Joe Gibbs for ruling Clinton Portis out after I released last week’s column. That ruled. By picking losers, I was 5-0-1. So things are looking up.

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Posted on September 21, 2006

In which we track the travails and triumphs of the area’s myriad minor league baseball teams. But mostly the travails. Season highlights updated as events warrant.

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Posted on September 19, 2006

By The Beachwood Cubs Affairs Desk

The two most enduring images of this Cubs season are the pop fly that bounced off the top of Aramis Ramirez’ head and Mark Prior doing towel drills. The most enduring sound – besides the early-season boos of Jacque Jones – is Tom Latourette’s “Dusty Baker, You Must Get Fired,” first heard on the Loop and now brought to you by The Beachwood Reporter.
NEW VIDEO ADDED BELOW ON SEPT. 4, 2008!

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Posted on September 14, 2006

By Eric Emery

In the last installment of Over/Under, I likened Week One to Christmas. Well, Bear fans are not only enjoy playing with their toys, but they are rubbing it in the face of the neighbor kid – after the neighbor kid predicted “You are too poor to get a good toy.” Oops.

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Posted on September 13, 2006

By Eric Emery

It’s always good to hone one’s skills, and given that the midterm elections loom just weeks away, I must work to master a very important skill: Pandering. Pandering to Chicago. Pandering to Chicago more than Jim Belushi.

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Posted on September 13, 2006

By Eric Emery

On the heels of my prediction that the Bears fall victim to the Packers on Week One, I went over to the forums for a reaction. Perhaps the Beachwood Reporter readership consumed too much booze or too easily saw the wisdom of such a declaration, but the forums contained no reaction. Upon further investigation, I did find that consecutive topics started “Oh my God I am so funny!” and “Get you medications ONLINE!” Needless to say, I was sufficiently entertained.
In the latest Over/Under, I covered over/under-hyped games of Week One. I considered including the Bears-Packers game in both sections. I soon realized that was overkill. And that is the last thing we need. Granted, the fat man at ESPN will ramble on about “The Frozen Tundra” and “NFC Norris” for five minutes. That is five minutes of your life you will never get back.

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Posted on September 7, 2006

By Eric Emery

As a kid, I used to scan the Sears catalog for all the toys I wanted for Christmas. I would leave notes in the catalog, with the hopes for a pile of gifts just for me. By Christmas Eve , the gifts, though somewhat disappointing in volume, placated me. Unlike the nights previous to Christmas Eve, sleep came easily, knowing what was actually in those packages.
As an adult, the excitement of Christmas waned and moved to football. Much like Christmas, I began to wonder what each new season had in store. I would spend quite a bit of my free time reading about the various teams, hoping to successfully put my finger on the pulse of the coming season. As the years have gone by, though, I have figured out that most of the excitement and interest generated by the media isn’t wisdom and intelligence and genuine enthusiasm, but something altogether different: Hype.

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Posted on September 7, 2006

By Eric Emery

I will cut to the chase – Bear fans have not fully realized their offense stinks.
I waited to write this until after the final preseason game, in the hopes something of note would happen. Thankfully, the Chicago papers beat “the first TD” into the ground, as if Blessed Mother showed herself on a Halas Hall window. Furthermore, two plays caused Bear fans to check their fantasy football free agency wire, as Desmond Clark caught a TD plus had a fairly impressive 25-yard reception.

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Posted on September 4, 2006

By Eric Emery

I’m convinced that football coverage is much like any sort of coverage, in that some outlet gets hold of a story, and others say “I’m not sure if this is actually going to make the world a better place, much less if it’s true, but it might get people talking.” So they ride the “story” until complete exhaustion. Sports radio has a lot of hours to fill.
If the story doesn’t have legs, there is always the carpet bomb approach – throw out as many provocative statements as possible and hope something strikes a group frayed nerve.
All told, it’s hard to seperate what is really important in football – especially when it comes to the Bears. That’s where we come in. We’re here to help. That’s what Over/Under is all about.

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Posted on September 3, 2006