By Tom Latourette

If Eddie Vedder had channeled Lee Elia for his new song.
*
[BLEEP] those [BLEEP]ing fans who come out here and say
Stuff it up those [BLEEP]ing people who show up every [BLEEP]ing day
I’ll tell you one [BLEEP]ing thing, i hope we get [BLEEP]ing hotter than [BLEEP]
You can kiss my [BLEEP]ing ass right downtown and print it

Eddie Elia

If you want to rip somebody, rip my [BLEEP]ing ass
We got guys bustin’ their [BLEEP]ing ass
They’re really behind you, my [BLEEP]ing ass
They ought to go out and get a [BLEEP]ing job
Yeah, they ought to go out and get a [BLEEP]ing job

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Posted on September 24, 2008

By Jim Coffman

The less said about another infuriating Bears loss, the better. Baseball beckons . . .
***
Whatever happens with the White Sox this week, the team has undergone a remarkable transformation in 2008. First there is the starting rotation.

Beachwood Baseball: The Cub Factor The White Sox Report

Just one of the teams who was still in playoff contention as of Sunday wasn’t being led by the pitchers who were projected to do so way back at the beginning of the year. Even the Twins, who traded away Johan Santana and Matt Garza in the off-season, headed into this campaign knowing Francisco Liriano would have to successfully return from Tommy John surgery to play a pivotal role if they were to have a chance. And sure enough, after a delayed start, there was Liriano (6-3) earning a must-win on Sunday for the team from the Twin Cities. The other potential one-two starter was Scott Baker, who was hurt in the middle of the season but has returned to add to a 9-4 record and a 3.69 ERA during the last month or so. Other starters have obviously stepped up for the Twins during the season, but these were the guys everyone agreed had the most potential heading into the campaign. Bad news by the way – Baker takes on shaky Javier Vazquez in the White Sox’s series opener in Minnesota Tuesday.

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Posted on September 22, 2008

By Ricky O’Donnell

Throughout the entire summer, I said I wasn’t scared of the Twins. Their run differential wasn’t impressive, they relied too heavily on the statistic anomaly that is Livan Hernandez, and their bullpen was downright shaky.
The White Sox, meanwhile, had a good thing going. They clubbed more homers than any team in baseball despite abysmal seasons from Nick Swisher and Paul Konerko. They watched Gavin Floyd and John Danks step into their own. They kept Jerry Owens in Triple-A. Really, what more could you ask for?

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Posted on September 22, 2008

By Marty Gangler

What another week. The Cubs have another great week and clinch the Central Division and a playoff berth. What a great feeling for the Cubs and for Cub fans, but all I can do is think about my younger brother Jon. Not that he is a big Cub fan, because he really isn’t. But growing up and being three years younger than me, Jon was on the short end of the stick during a handful of brotherly skirmishes. Okay, what the hell am I talking about. In this real life scenario explaining another real life scenario, my brother would be the Brewers and I would be the Cubs. It’s a classic younger brother/older brother situation, just look. The Cubs are older (especially in the National League), they make more money (like most older siblings do), are more popular (most older brothers are), so it does fit. Maybe not all the classic older/younger rules are true in my case (my brother is much more likeable than I am) but one thing did hold true – I always won physical battles. BUT I was always looking to see what my brother had. I had to size him up and see where I stood. I would provoke him into fighting with me – my brother had (and still has) a temper and when he gets pissed, look out, he’s an animal. And it was these moments that I truly enjoyed. In animal mode my brother could get in some good shots and the fight would be even for a little while, then I’d overtake him with my size and strength. So, getting back to the initial analogy – I really thought the Brewers had a bit more animal in them. I’m not complaining but I thought it would possibly be a little more interesting. But I’ll take uninteresting division titles every day of the week – I’ll even take uninteresting World Series wins too. I’m just sayin’ that this reminded me of my brother.

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Posted on September 22, 2008

By Eric Emery

On Sunday the Tribune published a story called “How to Make Chicago Better.” Assuming that the Trib failed to assert that Jim Belushi and John Cusack should stop being the unofficial spokesmen for our city, I didn’t bother reading it. I’m also guessing the Bears weren’t mentioned. But they should have been, given the integral role the team plays in the city’s psyche. So we’ll go where the Trib didn’t – we call this How To Make The Chicago Bears Better.

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Posted on September 19, 2008

By Eric Emery

After much meditation, I’ve discovered the source of my anger toward Tony Kornheiser’s Monday Night Football performances: He never states that he believes much of anything. He really states that “other people might say” something. In Week One, for example, he couldn’t stop looking for reasons why somebody might see shades of Brett Favre in Aaron Rodgers’ play. In Week Two, he harped on the inevitable Super Bowl victory of the Dallas Cowboys – as portrayed in newspaper headlines. Someone ought to call the authorities, because somebody stole all of Kornheiser’s original thoughts.
We here at Over/Under got to thinking about the Tony Kornheiser technique might work for an advice column. We call it “Ask Tony Kornheiser.”

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Posted on September 18, 2008

By Jim Coffman

My favorite part of Carlos Zambrano’s Sunday evening sensation at Miller Park in Milwaukee was the pop-up in the bottom of the eighth. The play was routine and yet it wasn’t. I thought it wouldn’t draw much notice, but there it was, part of the initial post-game highlights package on ESPN.com. With five outs remaining (from now on when we hear that phrase maybe we’ll think of this game for a moment or two before Bartman et. al.), the foul but playable ball took tenuous flight. Just before it headed back down between first and home, Zambrano looked at Derrek Lee and thought for a split second, “Do I have to let Derrek catch this ball again? Do I have to follow that unfair, unwritten rule that dictates field players catch all pop-ups, even ones that come down on the mound?”

Beachwood Baseball: The Cub Factor The White Sox Report

And then the ball was descending a little quicker than usual and Zambrano answered his own question with vehemence: “No! This one is mine – Mine!” Like all the other plays he makes on the diamond, Z’s call for the ball was fundamentally sound (note the use of the word “plays” – a category of activities that does not include histrionics). He hustled over, waved his arms a few times and then snatched the ball out of the air. Zambrano grabbed that pop-up like he grabs every opportunity to make a difference on the diamond. Be it making a tough play in the field or trying to beat out an infield hit or catching a pop-up the first baseman could have grabbed, Z always plays the game with ferocity.

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Posted on September 15, 2008

By Ricky O’Donnell

This was a tough week to be a White Sox fan, partly because they hardly played. Nothing is worse than a rainout, because a rainout means a day without baseball. Especially in times like these, when the AL Central race has never been tighter, no White Sox baseball makes for an excruciating day. Such is particularly the case when the Twins keep winning.
But lost in all the rain was this: Joe Crede has played his last game in a White Sox uniform. It’s not official yet, obviously, but it seems like a reasonable assumption now that the Sox have totally cleaned out his locker. Yes, name card included. (second item)

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Posted on September 15, 2008

By Marty Gangler

Right when we were about to describe Hurricane Carlos as potentially devastating but more full of hype than destructive power, the Cubs’ major storm system wiped out the Astros without giving up a hit. Which got us to thinking: What if hurricanes were named after Cubs players?
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Hurricane Mark. This hurricane can strike in any region of the country or appear as a tornado or earthquake, depending on your needs.
*
Hurricane Mike: A tiny storm with deceiving power. Shows up when Hurricane Mark is elsewhere.
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Hurricane Aramis: This hurricane has been known to change direction for no reason at all.

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Posted on September 15, 2008

By Eric Emery

A non-scientific study conducted by the Kool-Aid Report’s research staff has concluded that only five people on the planet predicted last week’s win over the Colts. Given their shocking prescience, we asked them to reveal what else our future holds.
* Barack Obama will win the election but step down shortly after taking office when it is revealed that he tried to get a federal earmark for a bridge to Northerly Island, or, in other words, a Bridge to Nowhere.
* The Cubs will crash-and-burn due to a reliever corps that becomes a Bridge to Nowhere.
* Britney Spears’ comeback is halted when doctors determine her frontal lobe is a Bridge to Nowhere.
* New ad campaign: This is your brain on a Bridge to Nowhere.

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Posted on September 12, 2008