By Marty Gangler
The burning question on our minds this week – because we’d prefer to avert our eyes to the Cubs on-field shenanigans – is this: how will Big Z occupy his time during his six-day suspension? Using all historical data available to us by Major League Baseball, we’re pretty sure we’ve got it figured out.
Day 1: Big Z will sit down and talk with the pitching coach Larry Rothschild and will take notes about things to remember. But then his pen runs out of ink, he gets pissed, finds his bat, and crushes the pen.
Day 2: Carlos decides to head to 7-11 for some comfort food. But then he notices that they are out of pepperoni combos and only have the regular nacho cheese ones. So he asks the clerk if there are any more in the back and the clerk says there is no “back” and everything is on the shelf. So he gets pissed, decides to get fun-yuns instead and realizes that fun-yuns suck, so he gets even more pissed, finds a bat, and bashes in the Icee machine.
Day 3: Carlos decides to head out on Lake Michigan and get some relaxing fishing in. But then he gets a big fish on the hook and a guy on the boat screws up netting the fish and it gets away. Carlos gets pissed, completely bitches out the deckhand, and breaks the fishing pole over his knee. Then he finds a bat and breaks that over his knee too. When the Coast Guard arrives to a report of a boater on a rampage, he pretends to eject them from the lake.

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Posted on June 1, 2009

By Andrew Reilly
It’s fun and pleasantly optimistic to compare this year’s Sox squad to last year’s division winners, and in many ways the two cast the same shadow. A division populated with losers; a theoretically potent offense incapable of producing; weird stretches of winning games they should have lost while losing, badly, games they should have only lost in normal fashion.
And yet, all that pining for a magical non-spectacular team aside, the 2009 Sox actually share less with last year’s edition than they do with other boring, non-remarkable squads of the past decade. Imagine Alexei Ramirez in the Jose Valentin role, Carlos Quentin as Frank Thomas, Chris Getz as Willie Harris, and the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim as the plain old Los Angeles Angels.
Some will cry “No!” and insist this team has turned a corner, which would be a sentiment both cool and agreeable were it not for the fact that even with their recent run of good baseball, the Good Guys still sit one under .500 and a full four games behind the Tigers. They can do some good, these White Sox, but they can dig a pretty deep hole just as well, which brings to mind something one of my college professors taught me: the good ones can get out of trouble, but the great ones kept themselves out of it in the first place.

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Posted on June 1, 2009

By Eric Emery
Reasons why you should care even though the Blackhawks won’t be in it.
* Barcelona beat Manchester United earlier this week, so you will not longer be distracted by other sports you don’t care about.
* Each team has an American on the fourth line, so you can get your small dose of patriotism.
* Detroit throws an octopus on the ice before the game, which signifies the eight GM brands that will cut later this year.

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Posted on May 29, 2009

By Natasha Julius
No, I am not moving back to Detroit now. As you so eloquently continue to point out, it’s not a nice place to live. We’ve talked about this, remember?
I understand that you want to make yourselves feel a little better about losing to the Red Wings and all, but that horse you’re beating died 40 years ago. And this isn’t even a horse race. It’s a conversation about hockey. To keep harping on a totally irrelevant aspect of American culture should be beneath you. This is sub-Bush League, people. It’s downright Brian Campbell-y.

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Posted on May 28, 2009

By Dan O’Shea

One of the biggest debates of this year’s fantasy baseball season revolves around stolen bases: Are they back in vogue again, or merely more noticeable at a time when we are trying to forget how many home-run hitters have been tied to steroids?
Some observers, like Tim Kurkjian, have made the case that there is not much of an up-tick from recent years, and that the tainted homer is putting the spotlight back on speed.
Personally, I think a number of players who were already gifted speedsters have become more conscious of running this year. Perhaps, teams are being a bit more aggressive, but that doesn’t account for the number of times this year a player has stolen home: Four (Jacoby Ellsbury, Jason Werth, Michael Bourn and Kaz Matsui). Stealing home, by the way, is such an impressive feat that I think extra fantasy points should be given for pulling it off.

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Posted on May 27, 2009

By Jim Coffman
Let’s not become too agitated about the Hawks’ less-than-stellar effort against the Red Wings on Saturday, okay? Two nights prior they avoided embarrassment by pulling out Game 3 but they couldn’t repeat the sensation despite a couple high-profile Red Wings absent from the lineup when the teams returned to the ice. The Hawks tried to muscle up in Game 4 and in the NHL these days that almost never works. Teams that try to play chippy hockey pay a price in power plays against that they rarely overcome.

Beachwood Baseball: The Cub Factor The White Sox Report

And now the Hawks will almost certainly bow out to the defending champs on Wednesday (or if the Wings suffer a let-down, the next time the teams take the ice). On the bright side, the end of this series will cap off what can only be described as an amazing season. After 10 years of decrepitude, the Hawks bounced all the way back into the NHL’s elite in one great campaign. And then there is the fact that the only time to vociferously bemoan a playoff setback is when your team clearly had the advantage in talent, toughness and experience. The Red Wings are about to sweep that best-of-three series.

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Posted on May 26, 2009

By Marty Gangler
If nothing else this week, the Cubs proved that there is nothing to worry about – that is how I started last week’s Cub Factor. Well, what a difference a week can make. Because if nothing else, the Cubs proved there are plenty of things to worry about. They don’t have to worry about getting stuck with Dusty Baker through a goofy rule change or be concerned with Ted Lilly making a birdhouse over at Koyie Hill’s woodshop, but they should start to worry about people taking turns on the disabled list and forgetting how to play anything close to winning baseball. Those are pretty big things to worry about.
It’s time to bring in a slumpbuster.

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Posted on May 26, 2009

By Andrew Reilly
Jake Peavy sucks.
Even if he’s a great pitcher, he sucks.
Even if the White Sox Enemies List* needed an ace, he sucks.
Even if the Good Guys insist on taking this all-or-nothing thing into a weird parallel universe of all and nothing, he sucks.

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Posted on May 26, 2009

By Thomas Chambers

There were lessons to be learned from Saturday’s 134th running of the Preakness Stakes.
Rachel Alexandra is a special filly, Mine That Bird is for real, Kentucky Derby buzz horses can fall from grace mighty quickly, and I still don’t like the way Gabriel Saez rides Friesan Fire.

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Posted on May 22, 2009

By Dan O’Shea

Feeling a little Manny-less lately?
We all get that sometimes. Just don’t turn to performance enhancers to make it all better, or you may find yourself on the sidelines for 50 games. We will continue to live in a world without Manny for another month-and-a-half, and for the second time this year, we must try to figure out if a star player will be something less when he returns from a layoff that came just after a drug revelation.
A-Rod’s return thus far is going pretty well: Only seven hits in 36 at-bats through Tuesday night, but five of those hits are home runs, and he already has 10 walks, perhaps a sign that he doesn’t feel in such a hurry to prove himself that he’ll swing at bad balls.
Manny’s game, one of contact, suggests that he will return in early July with similar results as long as he spends some quality time in the batting cage.

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Posted on May 21, 2009