By Mike Luce
We are celebrating an important event here at the Report. Beginning today, we can enjoy an entire weekend of Top 25 action . . . without the University of Florida. That’s right, it’s a Gator-Free Weekend. Never fear, commentators will work in Tim Tebow references whenever possible. But for now, while Florida enjoys the week off (and Tebow clears the cobwebs upstairs), we have an opportunity to assess the other undefeated teams in the Top 25.
I doubt any of the following teams will stay undefeated. I recognize few teams, even national champions, finish the season with zero losses. Thus, picking against Michigan (4-0) or Iowa (4-0) isn’t going too far out on a limb. Although Alabama (4-0), LSU (4-0), Cincinnati (4-0) and TCU (3-0) might look solid, don’t be surprised to see a major upset this weekend. Again.
In a few weeks, we can begin to debate the Byzantine system used by college football to rank the most elite teams. (Yes, another poll! Except the HAL 9000 runs this version.) But for now, we can see the question answered on the field.
Just for kicks this week, I’m throwing in a predicted final score. As always, the following is for entertainment purposes only.

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Posted on October 2, 2009

By George Ofman
Hello world. Have we got an Olympics for you! It won’t exactly be the one you’re accustomed to. Chicago has decided to add a few of its own events. Heck, if we’re going to be the host city why not show the world what we’re all about. This city of broad shoulders, deep dish pizza, the hot dog and constant corruption wants to make a lasting impression in 2016. So in an effort to make the 2016 Olympic Games more enticing and unique, we offer these events.

Over/Under Obama Olympic Edition

* 8-Man Crowing. This is rowing with a bit of a twist. The rowing event is scheduled to take place in Monroe Harbor. The crowing event will be held down a 2,000-meter stretch of the Chicago River. For those who haven’t figured out the metric system, that’s approximately 1.25 miles. It will run right through downtown with all the bridges up. Each scull also will be equipped with 8 pigeons perched atop each crew member. The team that manages to cross the finish line first without any pigeon dropping a load receives the gold medal and a squad dinner.
* Neighborhood Archery. As opposed to the regularly scheduled archery event in Grant Park, neighborhood archery will take place in the city’s highest crime districts. Each archer will have in his possession a shotgun and two revolvers. Uzi’s are optional. Medalists will be determined by who survives.
* Pothole Cycling. Perhaps the most grueling event next to the Pothole Marathon, each cyclist will have to maneuver through the city’s most ravaged streets, including alleys. Any cyclist who falls must return to the starting line and retrace the route. Because of the nature of the event, it’s expected to start after the opening ceremonies and last as long as a week.

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Posted on October 1, 2009

By Eric Emery
This week, President Obama traveled to Copenhagen to make a final Olympic plea. Who knows, maybe Obama can convince the voters to allow us to incur a needless and massive public debt. Obama might be that powerful. On the way home, perhaps Obama should stop at the following 0-3 football cities to solve their problems as well.
Charlotte: City in trouble after reports that the ongoing informational series called My Child Has WHAT? found to be more popular than the Panthers.
St. Louis: After buying Anheuser Busch, global beverage giant InBev offers St. Louis Rams management a six-pack of Stella Artois if they throw in the Rams. Obama to lobby Congress for $1.2 billion bailout counteroffer.
Miami: Obama announces ex-Dolphins fullback and Hall of Fame player Larry Csonka as the “Czar of Winning” for the city of Miami.

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Posted on October 1, 2009

By Dan O’Shea

You can make snap judgements about your quarterback’s fantasy football performance after just one game, or even just two, but what about three? After Week 3 of the NFL season, there are couple fantasy surprises at the QB position. Tom Brady is not among the top 10 fantasy QBs thus far, though he was probably an early second-round pick in many leagues. Joe Flacco has not only avoided a sophomore slump after a great rookie season, but has actually performed as one of the top 5 fantasy QBs thus far – even though he was probably a back-up choice at the position in many leagues.
Brady is coming back after playing only a few minutes in the opening game of the 2008 season, but the injury itself doesn’t seem to be a factor. One of his favorite targets, Wes Welker, has been battling a knee injury, and he’s also getting used to a new receiver, Joey Galloway, though Galloway is of course a very experienced receiver who usually, if anything, makes QBs look better than they are.

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Posted on September 30, 2009

By Mike Luce
I’m not clear on why the AP College Football Poll exists. My guess is that the Poll sprung out of our national obsession with ranking things. And to give guys in bars something to talk about.

Ofman: Are The Bears Who We Think They Are?

The first poll appeared on November 15, 1934. Football as we know it had not been around for too long at that point. The game originated in 1869, but innovations such as numbered jerseys and the forward pass didn’t appear for decades. Players crashed into the goalposts on the goal line until someone thought to push them back 10 yards in 1927. This was not an elegant game. But records were kept and no one had a good answer to the sport’s most vexing questions. Who was the best team? Princeton or Pittsburgh? Syracuse or Santa Clara? Columbia or Colgate?
By 1934, I imagine drunken arguments amongst sportswriters were at an all-time high. A system was needed. A poll sounded lovely, I’m sure, until someone realized the horribly manual process involved. I’m guessing cocktail napkins came into play.

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Posted on September 29, 2009

By George Ofman
One man’s ex-wife is another man’s soul mate.
Sure beats one man’s trash is another man’s treasure.
The Bears’ victory at Seattle wasn’t pretty. Neither is the Mona Lisa when you take a closer look. But consider losses to Tampa, Atlanta and Houston last season and all of a sudden Mona looks like Miss Universe.
It’s a new season producing different results, at least for now.

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Posted on September 29, 2009

By Andrew Reilly
If the White Sox run the table from here on out, history will inevitably add variants of “just another .500 team” to the litany of alternately bland and damning terms needed to talk about this club.
“They were terrible, but at least they didn’t have a losing record.”

Beachwood Sports: The Cub Factor SportsMonday will return next week

“They couldn’t hold a lead to save their life, but at least they didn’t have a losing record.”
“They couldn’t put up a fight when they needed to, but at least they didn’t have a losing record.”
And to this, let us collectively ask, “who cares if they didn’t lose 82 games?” At best, they can only finish in a tie for second place, and the Sox themselves have not just shown but also told us just how much a near-miss is worth. So why bother? Why not just tank the rest of the way and take that 10th pick in next year’s draft for all it’s worth?

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Posted on September 28, 2009

By Marty Gangler
This week good ol’ Uncle Lou was asked what he wanted for next season. He said a big RBI guy for the middle of the lineup. Seeing how Uncle Lou wanted the same thing last year and we got Milton Bradley, we here at The Cub Factor were thinking Lou should ask for something different this time around. Like:
* World peace.
* A new diet.
* True transparency in the Obama administration.
* A second baseman who can play 150 games without being exposed as a fraud.

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Posted on September 28, 2009

By Thomas Chambers
There was no “To be continued” attached to last week’s TrackNotes, but that’s what this week’s installment will be as reaction has been received and we’ve seen a fairly even-handed new treatment of the subject by a mass media outlet. Imagine that.

George Ofman: Dis and Dat

My contention is that some of the tracks that have installed artificial racing surfaces to replace dirt acted in a capricious, ill-informed manner and may be putting jockeys, in particular, in more danger than they were in before.
A paradox is that while methodical information-gathering and study on the subject seems lacking, there is some solid anecdotal evidence that should be listened to. The spin from racing officials is maddening. It’s also morally appalling, as two jockeys just in this summer’s Arlington meet lay paralyzed from racing accidents.

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Posted on September 25, 2009

By George Ofman
White Sox General Manager Ken Williams is an astute fellow. Dummies do not attend Stanford. Williams is also a tough-talking, no-nonsense guy who strongly believes the teams he puts together every season should compete for a division title and more. His mantra is, win the whole thing or the season is a failure.
I don’t ascribe to that theory but this is Williams-speak, not mine.
He’s blaming this year’s team for underachieving. He’s not blaming himself, just the team . . . the team he put together which did not underachieve. Paging Mr. Colon and Mr. Contreras! Yes, Jermaine Dye disappeared in the second half, Mark Buehrle won only one game after being perfect and both Alex Rios and Jake Peavy have been non-factors. But youth was served and the way Williams sees it, it may have been wasted a bit.

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Posted on September 25, 2009