By Carl Mohrbacher

It took some doing, by which I mean ignoring the running game, and Alshon Jeffery looking like a rookie when he was actually on the field, and not really having a tight end, and a lot of momentum-killing penalties, and a heap of injuries, and some fairly terrible play-calling, and special teams looking average, but the Bears have managed to parlay a 7-1 first half into the seventh seed in the NFC, thus reducing a promising season into a desperate two game win-out-or-die scenario for the third time in five years.
The NFL has an elaborate set of tiebreakers and so only true insiders like the crack Beachwood staff understand how to determine which 9-7 team has a chance to win the Super Bowl. Allow me to use our vast computational resources to help you, the dedicated reader, navigate the byzantine maze of NFC playoff scenarios for teams on the bubble.

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Posted on December 19, 2012

By Jim Coffman

Jim “Coach” Coffman talks Bears with Rick Kogan on WBEZ’s Afternoon Shift every Monday afternoon.
At this point it shouldn’t be about whether Lovie Smith will be fired. It should be a matter of taking responsibility for the year-after-year failure to lead a team to even one win against its historic rival. And it should be an acknowledgement of failure to deliver on what the coach enthusiastically if laboriously acknowledged was his first priority when he was hired.
The Bears shouldn’t have to fire Lovie Smith. He should step down at the end of the season.

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Posted on December 17, 2012

By Mike Luce

Bowl season, the annual rite of postseason pageantry, is upon us.
And so too is our annual bowl preview. This year we’ll take it week-by-week for the freshest views and latest lines.
This week’s festivities feature a host of midsize mammals, aerial contraptions, and an ethnic group out of Central Mexico. Without further to-do, here are the games, teams, season records, the path each team traveled, and the bottom line: Our picks.

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Posted on December 14, 2012

By Carl Mohrbacher

Due to mounting pressure from basic math and things I see with my eyes (I ate nine pierogies for breakfast on Sunday, you don’t want to know what my nose thinks), I have to begrudgingly admit that 13 games is enough of a sample size to downgrade my rating for the 2012 offense.
As it seems my estimation of this year’s team worth was a tad overblown, I’ll endeavor to be more subjective for the remainder of the season.
Henceforth, I will join my colleagues at Beachwood and adopt the complex and proprietary set of calculations known as the Offensive Analysis Formula as a means to rate both individual players and the Bears as a team.

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Posted on December 13, 2012

Remembering The NHL

This is actually yesterday in hockey.
But still.
This is December 11 in hockey.
Brought to you by Hockey Webcasts.
(Video first, facts to follow.)

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Posted on December 12, 2012

By Jim Coffman

There are plenty of pundits this morning arguing that the Bears are a team that fattened up on a weak first-half schedule but of late have been exposed as frauds as the strength of the average foe has increased.
Except the Bears aren’t even that good. Their last two losses, setbacks during which their star quarterback has played all the meaningful minutes (the last four of Sunday’s 21-14 loss at the Vikings did not qualify), have happened against mediocre teams who were 6-5 and 6-6 coming in.
The Bears can’t beat average teams at this point because nothing they do is above average any more.

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Posted on December 10, 2012

By Mike Luce

A tuneful analysis of the state of college football.
“We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together” – Taylor Swift
Swift’s teen ballad goes out to all of Division I, where conference realignment has caused no end of hurt feelings as seemingly every conference has been flirting with members of the opposition. Earlier this season, the Big East shored up its dwindling membership by raiding Conference USA for Memphis, Houston, Central Florida and SMU followed by Tulane and East Carolina last week. Last month, the Big Ten plucked Maryland from the ACC and, a day later, Rutgers from the Big East. The ACC retaliated by seducing the Louisville Cardinals from the Big East (effective 2014), leaving the old conference maps in utter disarray.

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Posted on December 7, 2012

By Carl Mohrbacher

WILSON!
Boy did that asshole ever make our front seven look hurt and old.
A mirror has the same effect, but still.
To be fair to the defense, I doubt Rod Marinelli dialed up any schemes that account for the QB rolling out and running for first-down yardage – eight consecutive times. Next time we play the Seahawks, I’ll lobby to get my 10-year-old nephew on the sidelines so the Bears can employ the defensive strategy he uses against his friends in online Madden ’09 matchups.

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Posted on December 6, 2012

By Dan O’Shea

This will be me last Fantasy Fix column for several weeks as I take some time off. I’ll be back in time for fantasy baseball draft preparations, and the start of spring training.
With that in mind, we’ll call this one my fantasy football year in review. Most fantasy football leagues begin postseason play this week, and if you’re still looking for any last-minute advice, I’ll leave that to the Expert Wire below.
Instead, here are my fantasy MVPs by position:

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Posted on December 5, 2012

Lovie Playing For His Job This Month?

Due to technical difficulties, Jim “Coach” Coffman’s SportsMonday will not even appear on Tuesday this week, so let’s take a brief look at the Bears-Seahawks game ourselves and look forward to the Vikings.
1. The Bears “D” Is Old.

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Posted on December 4, 2012