By Dan O’Shea

Here’s brief list of massively hyped players who utterly sucked in Week 1 of fantasy football:
C.J. Spiller, RB, BUF: He went as high as No. 2 overall in one league I’m in, and was supposed to be the center of the Bills offense, the second coming of Gale Sayers and the guy who would put veteran RB Fred Jackson out to pasture. He was out-gained by Jackson Week 1, and lost a fumble on his way to 31 yards rushing and just 14 yards receiving.
Calvin Johnson, WR, DET: Some folks expect him to challenge his own record for receiving yards. Only 37 yards receiving, though he would have had a TD if he had maintained control of the ball in the end zone.

Read More

Posted on September 11, 2013

By Steve Rhodes

Only Bears chuckleheads will anoint Marc Trestman as coach of the year after one victory, but no matter what happens on the field, I can’t help but be impressed with his general demeanor, which would hardly merit notice if not for the childish oafs and dummkopfs who so often troll NFL sidelines.
Lovie Smith, for example, was an insufferable bore who acted like fans and reporters were enemy spies hardly worthy of his attention. Trestman, on the other hand, actually takes no offense at being asked questions and doesn’t hesitate to answer. He’s certainly not a media hog, and he’s a bit heavy on self-help corpo-speak (“I just asked the guys to be good teammates today”), but he is undoubtedly an adult. And that’s refreshing.
(Similarly, Phil Emery is an upgrade in maturity level over Jerry Angelo.)
Trestman’s also a pretty damn smart guy. Doesn’t mean he’ll be a success in the NFL, but he’s earned more respect than perhaps the Ditka Caucus has given him – though he savvily addressed that by inviting Da Coach to training camp. Like we said, pretty damn smart.

Read More

Posted on September 10, 2013

By Jim Coffman

Others will gush about the fourth-and-a-foot call. Clearly the Matt Forte sweep behind rookie offensive linemen Jordan Mills and Kyle Long that gained eight yards, a key first down and immediately preceded the eventual game-winning, 19-yard touchdown pass to Brandon Marshall was not only the right move tactically, it was also the perfect play. But there was an even better call early in the drive that was most responsible for a Bear 24-21 victory over a very good, if mistake-prone at critical times, Cincinnati team on Sunday.
It was third-and-two at their own 26 and some sort of wide receiver slant or hitch or a toss to Forte in the flat were high-percentage options to at least gain a few yards and extend the drive. Instead, Cutler went over the top to Marshall with a beautiful pass down the right sideline for a 38-yard gain that put the Bears at the Cincy 36.
It was a gutsier call than the fourth-down call four plays later – and it was one of Cutler’s most beautiful balls of the day.

Read More

Posted on September 9, 2013

By Steve Rhodes

This week in Cub Factor news:
* Theo Epstein Tells Doris Davis To Fuck Off And Die.
* Pete Ricketts Tries To Buy Nebraska Governorship After Failing To Buy Nebraska Senate Seat.
* Future Cubs Disappointments Still Far Away.
* Cody Ransom Assigned Term Paper On How He Is So Bad The Cubs Designated Him For This Assignment.
* Cubs Forced To Live Vicariously Through Alternate Calendar.

Read More

Posted on September 9, 2013

By Roger Wallenstein

He played in just 12 games for the Yankees in 1919 with just a couple of singles in 22 at-bats, not exactly the kind of numbers that would enable him to stick around the next season when Babe Ruth arrived in The Bronx.
However, his life in professional sports was just beginning for the 24-year-old George Stanley Halas.
Once again, all 53 Chicago Bears displayed the “GSH” initials on their left sleeve on Sunday, as they presented new coach Marc Trestman with a 24-21 victory 94 years after the team’s founder tried to figure out how to hit the curve in the American League.
Folks who feel a sense of relief now that football has returned need not be weighed down with guilt. Even though the baseball season has three more weeks to run before it reaches its merciful conclusion, no one needs to chastise local fans for abandoning ship weeks ago.

Read More

Posted on September 9, 2013

By Mike Luce

Could Sam Houston St. upset Texas A&M?
That’s a clown question, bro.
But Johnny “Football” Manziel will upset somebody on Saturday, because he’s a clown quarterback.
To review: Out of 800 total possible points, ala the SATs, Manziel earned a 740 in the opener for his antics after entering the game against Rice. Suspended for the first half for pseudo-allegations of NCAA rules stemming from signing some autographs, Manziel drew a penalty for taunting a Rice defender following a touchdown, his third, in the fourth quarter. Texas A&M head coach Kevin Sumlin was displeased in the sophomore’s behavior and yanked him from the game early.
Still, the talking heads who seized on the chance to weigh in, with escalating hyperbole, were a bit hard to take:

Read More

Posted on September 6, 2013

By Carl Mohrbacher

Unwilling to remain mired in competitive purgatory, Phil Emery has put his stamp on the franchise by installing a coaching staff that emphasizes a check-down-centric passing attack while making no changes to the defense at all.
For those of you who watched Swamp Road Boo Boo Truckers: Amish Invasion instead of the NFL Network in June (you’re goddamn right I want to see Sterling Sharpe’s childhood shanty), I’ll take a moment to summarize the offseason.

• • March – Emery tells Brian Urlacher he’s got a work thing “super early,” then offers him the $2 million on the dresser for cab fare before curling up in a bunch of blankets strewn about a conference room table and snoring at a cartoonish volume.

Read More

Posted on September 5, 2013

By Steve Rhodes

When you can no longer go to the ballpark for pleasure, you can go for the promotions. And the Cubs’ September schedule is loaded.
Date: September 7
Promotion: American Doll Day
Comment: Fans are encouraged to come back in eight years when the doll can be equipped with her own “Old Style beer attachment” and “drunken frat boy – now with real hurl!”
*
Date: September 8
Promotion: Chest Protector Backpack Giveaway
Comment: If only the backpack protected your front, where your heart resides, because they’ve been breaking that for the past 105 years.

Read More

Posted on September 4, 2013

By Dan O’Shea

One of the biggest challenges of managing a fantasy football team is submitting to the weekly sit-or-start crucible. And trying to decide who to sit and who to start is even tougher the very first week of the season, when you have nothing to go on but last year’s performances and your own hunches.
The hardest sit-or-start decision I’m facing this week revolves around Torrey Smith. The fantasy football world seems to be in almost universal agreement that Smith is going to have a breakout year. He’s a very fast, young receiver who made some big plays last year mostly as the No. 2 target for Joe Flacco, but the departure of Anquan Boldin and an injury to Dennis Pitta, combined with Smith’s obvious talent and growing experience, make him a clear No. 1 who should get the ball often throughout the season.
Smith, however, squares off in the NFL’s first Week 1 match-up on Thursday night against the traditionally tough Denver secondary. There is a chance veteran cornerback Champ Bailey won’t be playing, but Denver’s defense overall was tied for the NFL lead in sacks last year, and was fourth in fewest points allowed. I’m also wondering if Smith himself will be a little jittery in his first stint as his team’s clear No. 1 target.

Read More

Posted on September 4, 2013

By Jim Coffman

Perhaps the best way to approach a sports prediction is to think of oneself as a football team needing to travel a certain distance in a play or two.
There are manageable down-and-distance combos, such as Patriots and Packers predictions, that are the equivalent of a third-and-two.
There are teams that seem certain to finish with more than 10 victories this time around, but that sort of conversion (the team wins its 11th game and the pundit who prognosticated correctly earns a first down!) isn’t terribly impressive.
Then there are this year’s Bears. The 2013 Bears are fourth-and-20. There is no denying that the smart thing to do is punt.

Read More

Posted on September 4, 2013