By Eric Emery
What a great week of NFL action! Wow! I was on the edge of my seat!
Or I would have been had the words “anniversary,” “sequestered”, and “north” not intersected last weekend. Much like my wife, Northern Wisconsin knows nothing of NFL Sunday Ticket.
Here, though, is what I think happened:
Green Bay 31, Arizona 14: After losing to equally poor Green Bay, Dennis Green fires all his assistants, the GM, the owner, and the fans. “If we’re going to turn this around, my team needs no distractions from those who say I’m doing a poor job,” he explains. Inspired, Karl Rove follows suit and fires President Bush.
Jacksonville 13, Philadelphia 6: In a show of support for Michael J. Fox, McNabb declines his pre-game meds and passes for only 161 yards.
Oakland 20, Pittsburgh 13: Raiders owner Al Davis goes to the game as “The Crypt Keeper,” scaring Steelers QB Ben Roethisberger into four interceptions.
Dallas 35, Carolina 14: Dallas scores 25 fourth-quarter points after T.O. writes an individual letters of apology to his teammates at halftime.
Last Week: 4-2
Overall: 13-31-2.
Lesson: Don’t watch games in which I have publicly predicted the outcome.
Over-hyped: Oakland at Seattle (Monday night)
Storyline from ESPN: Oakland brings their two-game winning streak into Seattle. Seattle, short Hasslebeck and Alexander, looks to snap their two-game losing streak. Therefore, a game that keeps viewers tuned in to the end.
Real story: You can shine up a turd, but it’s still a turd. ESPN is trying to shine this turd. After this game, all that will be left is the smell of crap. Oakland failed to generate 100 yards of offense at home last week and has a substandard rookie quarterback. Seattle is one of the toughest places for visiting teams to play. Game over.
Pick: Seattle minus 6.5 points/Under 38 points scored.
Under-hyped: Cincinnati at Baltimore
The Colts-Patriots game in the big enchilada this week, but the Bengals-Ravens tilt deserves some love. Why? Intangibles. Elite QB (Palmer) vs. Overrated QB (McNair). Very good defensive player (Ray Lewis) who overshadows the true star (Ed Reed). Head coaches who receive too much credit for their teams’ success. And, most importantly, a division game of two rivals who would love to place a shiv in each other’s ribs.
Here is the only intangible you really need to know:, though: The Bengals need this game more than the Ravens. Cincinnati is a more balanced football team with a healthy Chad Johnson, they play pretty well on the road, and Marvin Lewis deserve some credit. They will go into M&T Bank Stadium and pull this one out.
Don’t get me wrong – watch the Colts-Patriots game. But leave room for this one, too.
Pick: Cincinnati plus 3 points/Over 38.5 points scored.
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For more Emery, see the Kool-Aid archive, and the Over/Under archive. He can be contacted at Eric_Emery12345@yahoo.com. Or berate him publicly.
Posted on October 31, 2006