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Over/Under

By Eric Emery
The health care debate continues in our worthless legislative branch. One version of the bill sticks most of the cost with those who make over $1 million. Most NFL players loved the idea, until they realized that a good number of them make over $1 million. As a result, some players have resorted to the following to help stop this:

PLUS:

  • Ofman: Batting Leadoff
  • * Players write congressman to use the Sally Struthers model: Each player will sponsor a child at the same cost of one cup of coffee a day.
    * Brian Urlacher argues on Facebook that socialized medicine isn’t that helpful. For instance, his team doctors failed to help his wrist and now all he is living on his Aflac insurance.
    * Tank Johnson writes Op-Ed piece bemoaning that he can no longer afford bullets for his guns.


    * Devin Hester appears on TV asking for donations to “The Human Fund.”
    * After many complaints, the House version adds the “Harris Amendment,” which states that underachieving defensive lineman pay double.
    * The Senate version exempts all Raider fans making over a million from paying the new tax, citing that these fans “have suffered enough.”
    * Unhappy with the new deal, Bears QB Jay Cutler demands a trade to Canada.

    OverHyped Game of the Week: Steelers at Broncos
    Storyline: All Orton does is win. All Roethlisberger does is run around for 15 seconds and throw it down the field.
    Reality: After thinking about the Broncos’ system versus the Bears system, all Cutler does is cry.
    Prediction: Broncos Plus 3 Points, Over 39.5 Points Scored

    UnderHyped Game of the Week: Cowboys at Eagles
    Storyline: It’s hard to be more American than a cowboy or an eagle, unless you’re team nickname is “The Ethnocentric Xenophobes.”
    Reality: After watching Brokeback Mountain, cowboys seem to be more tolerant.
    Prediction: Cowboys Plus 3 Points, Over 48 Points Scored

    Last week: 1-3
    Record: 12-12

    For more Emery, please see the Blue & Orange Kool-Aid Report archives and the Over/Under collection. He welcomes your comments.

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    Posted on November 5, 2009