By Eric Emery
I’m not one to pimp products. But I must say, the new pancakes at IHOP rock the house. I mean, if I happen to be in the mood for pancakes at 7:30 p.m., I’d eat them, and I’m pretty sure I’d like them. Why am I excited about pancakes I’ve never consumed? A friend from high school is the star of the commercial for said pancakes. So as a good friend, it’s my job to sell a few stacks. But this got me to thinking: what product placement opportunities is the NFL missing out on? Let’s take a look.
*
Opportunity: Al Davis
Advertiser: Circuit City
Why: The intellectually bankrupt should shop at a bankrupt store. Plus, he’s blown all his circuits. Ha ha.
*
Opportunity: Cowboys fans
Advertiser: Soft Surroundings
Why: Banging your head against a brick wall hurts.
*
Opportunity: Brian Urlacher
Advertiser: Planned Parenthood
Why: Duh.
*
Opportunity: Mike Holmgren
Advertiser: Samsonite
Why: For when your bags are already packed.
*
Opportunity: Brett Favre
Advertiser: AIG
Why: When you’re not sure you’re ready for retirement – and neither are we.
*
Opportunity: The Minnesota Vikings
Advertiser: Sylvan Learning Center
Why: We take on even the toughest underachievers.
*
Opportunity:Bears fans
Advertiser: Bare Necessities
Why: Because that’s all they ever have.
*
Opportunity: Ben Roethlisberger
Advertiser: Ice.com
Why: Because “Big Ben” always seems to have a “Big Injury,” yet all is okay with his health until he throws a “Big INT.”
*
Opportunity: Lance Briggs
Advertisers: GEICO, duilawyer.com
Why: Because when you’re a rich athlete, you never have to pay for your mistakes.
–
OverHyped Game of the Week: Cowboys at Redskins
Storyline: Everybody hates each other. Hate. Anger. Frustration. Murder.
Reality: The only thing you’ll hate is the sloppy play. The only thing worth watching is Dallas hating themselves.
Prediction: Washington Plus 2.5 Points, Under 46 Points Scored
–
UnderHyped Game of the Week: Ravens at Giants
Storyline: Nobody cares about Baltimore. Nobody cares about the Giants. Who won the Super Bowl last year? Well, you’ll be surprised to know it was the Giants. Too bad you don’t care.
Reality: All these teams want to do is make you care. So they will reward you with a pretty close, physical game.
Prediction: Giants Minus 6, Under 42 Points Scored
–
Eric Emery grew up in small-town Illinois but has an irrational love of the Pittsburgh Steelers. Every week he writes The Blue & Orange Kool-Aid Report and Over/Under. He also is a spark plug in floor hockey. You can reach him here.
Posted on November 14, 2008