By Eric Emery
At this point of the season, your team might not be the only team giving up hope. Millions of football fans play fantasy football, and most of those fans have given up on their fantasy football teams too. For those fantasy teams with a 3-6 record, it’s time to look to next year.
But unlike real teams, fantasy teams can easily reinvent themselves by changing their name. The average Beachwood Reporter reader demands a witty, refined name to show off your intelligence. Here are some ideas for next year, by genre.
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TV
* The Peter Griffins
* The Real Housewives of Cook County
* Cavemen
* Flava Flav’s Fifth STD
* The Interventions
Politics
* Tommy Tancredo (And His All-Girl Orchestra)
* The Duncan Hunters
* Hillary’s Hypotheticals
* Rudy’s Wives
* 9/11
Sports
* Barry’s Bondsmen
* Vick’s Dawgs
* Johnson’s Tank
* Disco Tex and the Sexy Rexy-o-lettes
* Let Manny Be Manny
Music
* Gnarls Barkley (And His All-Girl Orchestra)
* Brittney Baby One More Time
* Get the Led Out Reunion Tour
* The E Street Band-Aids
* Back in Black
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OverHyped Game of the Week: Jaguars at Titans
Storyline: Division rivals vie for an inside track to an AFC Wild Card berth.
Reality: Behold the three-yard gain! Marvel at the great incomplete pass! What an interception, it’ like the DB was in the huddle! Both QBs make it look easy – for the defense. Luckily Tennessee benefits from a short field and 22 defensive TDs.
Pick Titans Minus 4.5, Over 35 Points Scored.
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UnderHyped Game of the Week: Colts at Chargers
Storyline: Oh no! Payton Manning is human! Watch out! San Diego needs the win to have a chance at the playoffs! What, Manning and Tomlinson shill for rival TV companies? Oh boy, it’s an HDTV throwdown!
Reality: Here’s the main problem: The Chargers are coached by a Turner. It’s kind of like being coached by Emilio Estevez or Charlie Sheen; they should be better than what you see on TV, but never are.
Pick: Colts Minus 3.5 Points, Under 48.5 Points Scored.
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Results
Last week: 1-3 (1-1 Against the Spread, 0-2 Over/Under)
Season: 22-30 (10-16 Against the Spread, 12-14 Over/Under)
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For more Emery, see the Kool-Aid archive, and the Over/Under archive. Emery accepts comments from Bears fans reluctantly and everyone else tolerably.
Posted on November 8, 2007