By Marty Gangler
The news last week that Jim Hendry’s ever-expanding list of managerial candidates being granted interviews now includes Don Wakamatsu led us here at The Cub Factor to wonder who isn’t getting an interview. Is Hendry getting paid per candidate? And why does he seem determined to interview everyone who ever managed Milton Bradley?
The Cub Factor put its crack reporting staff into the field to answer these questions and struck gold when we obtained the remainder of Hendry’s interview schedule. Here is today’s lineup, just for starters.
7 a.m.: That kid at the Dunkin’ Donuts who always knew Soriano shouldn’t lead-off.
8 a.m.: Tom Ricketts, third interview.
9 a.m.: Yosh Kawano. He understands Cubs culture.
10 a.m.: Bob Brenly. Len Kasper.
11 a.m.: Ozzie Guillen. Experienced with spectacular collapses.
Noon: Tom Ricketts, over lunch.
1 p.m.: Kerry Wood and Mark Prior. Conducting in a hot tub.
2 p.m.: Rahm Emanuel. In the locker room while naked.
3 p.m: Ron Santo. (Note to self: Just thank Ron after five minutes and he’ll think a whole hour just went by.)
4 p.m.: Dutchie Caray. Over cocktails. It’s 5 p.m. somewhere.
5 p.m.: The Harry Caray statue.
6 p.m.: Sammy Sosa. Beware corked resume.
7 p.m.: Mike Quade, second interview. Remind me again, what is your current position?
8 p.m.: Lou Piniella, second interview. Wife not so thrilled having you around all the time, huh?
9 p.m.: Himself. Even though he’s not so sure about the track record of the GM.
Week in Review: The Cubs went 2-4, losing two of three to both the Giants and Cardinals. The shine is a bit off of the Mike Quade penny.
Week in Preview: The Cubs finish up the season with four in San Diego and three in Houston. Expect the possible battle for third place in the division against the Astros to be intense!
The Second Basemen Report: Blake DeWitt got four starts and Darwin Barney got two. We predict that at this time next year, we’ll be writing that Barney got four starts and DeWitt got the other two. Or neither. Because that’s how Jim Hendry draws it up.
In former second basemen news, the first-place Giants led off one of their games against the Cubs with Mike Fontenot. So maybe the Cubs aren’t that far away from being a contender. Mighty Mini-Mike is missed.
The Zam Bomb: Is Big Z pitching this well so the Cubs will keep him or trade him? We find him oddly still apologetic.
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Lost in Translation: Everyone-io and their mother-san is Japanese for Jim Hendry’s interview list.
Endorsement No-Brainer: Jim Hendry for Career Builder because he is giving a lot of people a chance.
Sweet and Sour Quade: 75% sweet, 25% sour. Mike Quade stands pat this week due to not winning as much as losing and being okay with it. And just like your smart, well-adjusted uncle, Mike sees that old Aunt Gladys bought lemons instead of oranges at the store. But instead of ripping into her and making lemonade, he’ll just run to the 7-11 and get some OJ. Because making due means you just do your best.
Ameritrade Stock Pick of the Week: Shares in the company that makes up the Mike Quade jerseys traded down this week.
Over/Under: The number of Cub fans who will stay up and watch these games in San Diego in their entirety not including those on Jim Hendry’s interview list: +/- 60.
Beachwood Sabermetrics: A complex algorithm performed by the The Cub Factor staff using all historical data made available by Major League Baseball has determined that talking to a lot of people doesn’t mean you know what you are doing.
Agony & Ivy: It’s a way of life.
The Cub Factor: Unlike Soriano, you can catch ’em all!
The White Sox Report: Now with a weekly Cubs Snub.
The Mount Lou Alert System: The Wrigleyville area is still considered a disaster area despite the removal of its main source of danger. Please avoid as increased traffic due to managerial interviews poses a risk to siteseers.
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Posted on September 27, 2010