By Marty Gangler
Phew. That was a close one. I thought these guys were going to be like really really bad. It’s looking like they are only going to be bad, not intergalactically bad. And really, it’s kind of okay. Why is being bad okay? Well, it’s because they are just bad, not stupid. And being bad and stupid is the worst.
Just look at last year. I’ve been a Cub fan my whole life and I hated that bad stupid team. These guys I actually like. I can root for a Joe Mather. I can pull for a Bryan LaHair. I can scream “Go!” every time Tony Campana gets on base. I like this team! And that is saying something.
These past two years in particular have been excruciating. From an overmatched Mike Quade just happy to be there to a checked-out Lou Piniella who wanted to be anywhere else – and don’t get me started on Jim Hendry – I didn’t like those teams. But that’s changed.
They can’t hit for power, they don’t all take walks, they don’t really play great defense either, but what’s not to love? They have some kids leaving it all on the field and a management not afraid to ditch the deadweight. I like these guys top to bottom.
Sure, there is still some crap on this roster, but don’t be surprised it Gio Soto is gone soon as well as Carlos Marmol. Being bad actually impacts playing time now. Who knew?! It’s kid of “duh” and “awesome” at the same time.
So yeah, I have no illusions of this even being a .500 team this year, but I do know that I’d be up for a beer with Mr. LaHair. Heck, I wouldn’t even have an issue if Darwin Barney tagged along – he’ll always run to the bar to get the next round because he sure doesn’t walk much.
Week in Review: The Cubs went 5-7 since the last Cub Factor. But the more important record was that they went 4-2 in the last week, taking two of three each from the Cardinals and Phillies. If you are surprised by this, just think of what the Cardinals and Phillies think.
The Week in Preview: The Cubs stick around for one more against the Phillies and then head to Cincy for three before coming home for three against the Dodgers. Let’s keep the winning up for the Reds. Yup, I still hate Dusty.
The Second Basemen Report: Twelve games the past two weeks and Darwin Barney started at second for 11 of them. Not much to report there. Except that Darwin had just one walk during that whole stretch. That makes four walks for the year. I was at the game where he had two of them – half his season total! He must have switched jerseys with someone that day; I was far away and couldn’t get a good look to see if it was really him. Which is just like The Ghost of Jim Hendry drew it up.
In former second basemen news, Ronny Cedeno is still doing his thing with the Mets this season – his thing being on the DL. But he is missed.
Crazy Corners: Bryan LaHair has solidified the first-base position. No shakeup looming there. But Ian Stewart is currently batting .160, so expect the three-headed sub monster named Jobleff Debather (Blake DeWitt, Joe Mather, and Jeff Baker) to get some playing time at the hot corner soon.
Weekly Bunting Report: Tony Campana likes to bunt. He also likes to pretend to bunt. He is all things bunting and it is super fun to watch. I think there should be a camera setup on the first baseman every time he comes to bat. Because they have to be crapping their pants.
The Zam Bomb: Big Z is 0-2 for the season and the Marlins currently sit in last place in the NL East. This makes Big Z Angry.
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Endorsement No-Brainer: Kerry Wood for the Disabled List. No one knows it better than he does.
Ameritrade Stock Pick of the Week: Shares of cheesesteak were down this week.
Sink or Sveum: 84% Analytical, 16% Emotional. Sveum drops one point on the Spock-O-Meter this week due to playing Ian Stewart too much. On a scale of Bat Sh#t Crazy (Charles Manson), Not All There, (Random Guy With A Neck Tattoo), Thinking Clearly (Jordi LaForge) and Non-Emotional robot (Data), Dale is still Thinking Clearly but may be deciding between a panther or a fish for his neck ink soon.
And just like your level-headed uncle, Dale may have believed in you a little too much during swim lessons testing over at the Y. He really thought you were a dolphin but you couldn’t swim the length of the pool on your own. So you are back in with the turtles.
Over/Under: The number of Cub fans on the DL with Kerry Wood fatigue: +/- quite a few of them.
Don’t Hassle the Hoff: Micah Hoffpauir is still in Japan but it’s like really hard to figure out what is going on with him and the Ham Fighters. It’s a bit of a Hassle.
Beachwood Sabermetrics: A complex algorithm performed by The Cub Factor staff using all historical data made available by Major League Baseball has determined that Geovany Soto is next.
The Cub Factor: Unlike Alfonso Soriano, you can catch ’em all!
The White Sox Report: Know the enemy.
Fantasy Fix: Chicago’s Very Own!
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Contact The Cub Factor!
Posted on April 30, 2012