By Natasha Julius
No, I am not moving back to Detroit now. As you so eloquently continue to point out, it’s not a nice place to live. We’ve talked about this, remember?
I understand that you want to make yourselves feel a little better about losing to the Red Wings and all, but that horse you’re beating died 40 years ago. And this isn’t even a horse race. It’s a conversation about hockey. To keep harping on a totally irrelevant aspect of American culture should be beneath you. This is sub-Bush League, people. It’s downright Brian Campbell-y.
OK, you see what I did there? I insulted your behavior by talking about a hockey player on your hockey team within the context of his contributions to the game of hockey. I didn’t say, “that’s Brian Campbell-y, because he’s ugly” or “that’s Brian Campbell-y, by which I mean his hometown of Strathroy, Ontario, probably sucks ass.” Instead, I drew a comparison between your habit of saying derisive things about Detroit as a city and Brian Campbell’s habit of running his mouth when he should be playing hockey.
You’re probably going to tell me that was the worst hockey insult in the history of sports, and that I’ve just ruined the entire game of smack talk. Or maybe you’ll say that I’m gutless Kronwalling Brian Campbell when the whole team just got Helmed. I will gladly accept both these criticisms because they relate to the sport of hockey. I will probably rip out your mouth guard and laugh in your face, but at least we’ll be talking hockey. And next year, if the teams meet in the playoffs again and the outcome is different, I promise I won’t tell you Chicago is a dump.
You’re still right. Detroit still sucks. Enjoy your summer.
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Bye Bye, Playoff Beard I
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Bye Bye, Playoff Beard II
Posted on May 28, 2009