By Carl Mohrbacher
If the Cubs were a band, who would they be?
-Ricky, Los Angeles CA
Jefferson Starship.
There was a point just a few years before their current incarnation formed when they were really good and had some classic performances. A couple of bad days in crunch time and a third of the lineup was revamped. Now we’re stuck with a handful of meaningless hits and an anthem.
It seemed like Bruce Bochy brought Starlin Castro in just to steal bases Tuesday night. Why doesn’t he do more of that in real games?
-Dave, Diamond IL
Mike Quade has called for Castro to steal more than 30 times this season, but Bob Dernier insists on giving Starlin the signs in Russian. Ever the professional, the young shortstop is working hard on CSL (Cyrillic Sign Language), but it will take some time.
How’s Andrew Cashner doing?
-Red, La Crosse WI
Well it’s no hot tub accident, but Cashner did suffer a setback that could push his return into September and theories abound regarding the cause. Speculative scenarios include:
* He threw out his arm punching a girl in the face.
* He got on Michael Ironside’s bad side.
* He became a mystery, frozen in time inside of Alexander Godunov’s beer tower*.
The Pirates and Nationals are beating up on the Cubs now, huh? Is this some sort of bizarro world in which blue kryptonite can kill Superman? Are we in the end times?
-Stan, New York NY
Not to worry, Stan. If we were headed for the end times, a disaster of biblical proportions, the Cubs would be winning.
Why don’t the Cubs ever have anybody in their farm system like Stephen Strasburg?
-Holly, Toledo OH
Let’s see . . .
A can’t-miss fireballer who is billed a year in advance as a phenom who won’t break down because of excellent pitching technique and is fast-tracked to the majors only to need Tommy John surgery in his second professional season . . .
You’re right, that would be a first for the Cubs’ organization.
*Yes, it’s that Alexander Godunov, from Die Hard. I don’t want neutral, I want Labatt Ice Maximum!
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Send your comments and questions to Carl!
Posted on July 14, 2011