By Eric Emery
People say last week was a pretty poor week for the Ol’ U.S. of A. Typically I’m not that optimistic, but it wasn’t that bad. I simply believe many problems came home to roost last week. And we’ll probably dance around them all once again, posting a bunch of silly stuff on Facebook in the process.
AFCB supporters would say last week was a pretty poor week for the Ol’ Cherries as well. AFCB attempted to lure winger Jordon Ibe from Liverpool, but Ibe delayed the move to “keep his options open.” Worse yet, England’s shit show of an international squad is without a manager. The English rags claim that amateur competitive eater and Sunderland manager “Big” Sam Allardyce and beloved AFCB manager Eddie Howe are two of the main targets.
In my first BinA, I discussed how the player transfer system worked. Managers work the same way. And when your country calls to run their shambolic program, you have to answer.
I’m not an expert on recruiting players and managers to your squad yet, but I’m sure there are a few “Do’s and Don’ts” to be had from American life:
Do make your pitch on a cable news network. Spoiler alert: Don’t be too picky.
Don’t bother making it in a newspaper. We don’t read that shit in the U.S.
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Do send plenty of e-mails as backup.
Don’t copy confidential information to others in the organization. We don’t want to be seen as “negligent” with sensitive information.
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Do pump up the possibility of other business opportunities while being part of your club.
Don’t ask your target to attend a meeting at a hotel convention space to learn your real estate secrets.
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Do cast a wide net to make sure you find somebody to fill the spot.
Don’t expect many of them to be excited or viable.
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Beachwood Sabermetrics: Based on all historical data available from the beginning of time, my favorite team is playing in America before your football starts its preseason schedule.
Sugar in the Cherry Kool-Aid: This week is best described as Schrodinger’s sugar. With next week’s friendly and Eddie Howe’s candidacy for the England job, the Cherry Nation is both completely full and devoid of the sweet stuff.
Population of the Cherry Nation: Still three. Me, my high school friend who lives in Montana, and new Bournemouth signing American Emerson Hyndman. (There is no better or worse time to get on the bandwagon!)
Percent Sugar in the Cherry Kool-Aid
This Week: 100%/0%
Last Week: 30%
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Previously in Breakfast In America:
* Which EPL Team Are You?
* Know Your Terminology.
* Lowest Common Denominator™.
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Breakfast In America on Facebook.
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Breakfast proprietor Eric Emery welcomes your comments.
Posted on July 11, 2016