By The Beachwood Blago Bureau
The Chicago Christian Industrial League fired Patti Blagojevich this week from her $100,000-a-year job there as a fundraiser. The CCIL wouldn’t say why they fired Patti B., but the Beachwood Blago Bureau has learned that her supervisors and co-workers simply could not tolerate the following behavior:
* Kept making real coffee in the decaf container.
* Stole black running suit from the used clothing bin.
* Insisted she paid entry fee for office bowling team but league says they never received it.
* Tried to name homeless man named Chuck the director of the state highway department.
* Tried to get homeless clients to appear at husband’s press conferences.
* Gave a lump of coal as her office Secret Santa gift.
* Tried to turn homeless man named Barry into her intern; made him pick up her dry cleaning.
* Organized soup kitchen according to precinct without permission.
* Tried to subcontract her work to campaign contributors.
* Totally couldn’t do math.
* Vulgar language unacceptable in the workplace.
* Cancelled office subscription to the Tribune without telling anyone.
* Still owes money in the office football pool.
* Drew mustache and devil horns on the office Obama photo.
* Tried to sell real estate to homeless clients for no money down.
* Insisted on finder’s fees for every homeless client she brought in.
* Kept accepting prison phone calls from a guy named Tony.
* Kept suggesting the industrial league appeal to high-end clients instead of the homeless.
Posted on January 22, 2009