By The Beachwood Liberation Front
The mayor leaves for Beijing today and doesn’t return until August 12. Here are some things to do while he’s gone.
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Break curfew.
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Call City Hall and ask if their Shakman Decree is running.
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Rename Northerly Island “Meigs Field.”
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Paint the Bean black.
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Bulldoze the Children’s Museum.
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TP the Hancock.
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Elect a real city council.
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Hello, Peotone!
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Solve the city budget crisis with the help of some Nigerian pals we just met online.
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Let all his plants die.
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Boot his cars. Every wheel.
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Hire Patrick Fitzgerald as a janitor and send him to City Hall to clean the mayor’s office.
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Finish Block 37.
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Make fun of Bill Daley.
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Recall Todd Stroger.
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Call City Hall and tell them you want Amanda Hugginkiss.
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Change Olympic bid documents to 2017.
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Seize the radio stations first as we liberate the city.
Posted on August 4, 2008