Compare and Contrast
At least our mayor doesn’t smoke crack, though sometimes it sure seems like he’s on it.
Rahm: Noted fundraiser.
Rob: Noted funraiser.
Rahm: Closed 50 schools.
Rob: Smoked 50 bowls.
Rahm: Born with silver spoon in his mouth.
Rob: Born with silver spoon on his Bunsen burner.
Rahm: The fix is in.
Rob: Needs a fix.
Rahm: A dealmaker.
Rob: Has a dealer.
Rahm: Close ties to the pharmaceutical industry.
Rob: Close ties to the pharmaceutical industry.
Rahm:Self-identifies as a Koch brother.
Rob: Self-identifies as a coke brother.
Rahm: Lies about having enough cops to control the city’s open-air drug markets.
Rob: Lies about having visited the city’s open-air drug markets.
Rahm: Finds enough money to help DePaul shoot the rock.
Rob: Finds enough money to smoke the rock.
Rahm: Says he gets drugs off the street.
Rob: Really gets drugs off the street.
Rob: Smokes crack.
Rahm: Taxes smokes.
Rahm: Half a finger.
Rob: Half an ounce.
Rob: Denies what police have on video.
Rahm: Denies what press has on video.
Rahm: “I swim a mile on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, and then I run two miles home. Tuesdays and Thursdays, I bike on the stationary for 25 minutes at a high level and then do 15 minutes elliptical and a weight routine. On Saturdays I bike 25 miles outside and on Sundays I take a private yoga class. And I take a multi-vitamin every day.”
Rob: “Crack.”
Rob: May seek treatment in city mental health center.
Rahm: Shuttered half the city’s mental health centers.
Rob: Drunken stupor.
Rahm: Stupor.
Rob: Says reporters don’t ask the right questions.
Rahm: Says reporters don’t ask the right questions.
Rob: Needs drug treatment.
Rahm: Needs anger management treatment.
Rob: Approval ratings going up.
Rahm: Approval ratings going down.
Rahm: Baller.
Rob: Does eight-balls.
Rob: Smokes crack.
Rahm: Breaks your mama’s back.
– Matt Farmer, Tim Willette, Eric Emery, Steve Rhodes
Comments welcome.
Posted on November 6, 2013